Potholes

Oh where to begin.

The last few days have been as full as I can remember. I've been getting a crash course on what is basically a new life. We'll see if it sticks, but I've been inducted and assimilated into the country of Togo, the city of Mango, the French language, tribal languages, a completely different culture, the 60ish person missionary team, the hospital, the nursing procedures, tropical diseases, teaching a week long course, shopping in the market, transportation via moto, wearing full skirts while biking in the sand in the pouring rain, my new house, and new roommates.

It's a lot to keep straight.

I'm going to choose one topic to talk about today and hopefully get to the rest some time soon. Part of that is so that my brain doesn't overheat. Also, I've found that people actually read the whole blog post if it's short. If it's too long, I lose you. I haven't found the exact cut off point, but I'll probably be doing some research on that in my spare time. (Just kidding. I don't have spare time.)

Today I shall talk about transportation. Ooh, I bet that caught your attention. But for real.  I've actually seen a decent portion of the country. More of it is paved than I thought. The road from Lome to Mango pretty good. However, when it's bad... it's really bad. I thought potholes in Northwest Indiana were bad...... at least they won't flip your car. It actually takes longer to drive the mile from my house to the hospital than it does to bike because you can go around the potholes.

All of the cars here are tough. They can take it. Some of the missionaries own an all terrain vehicle or a truck or a golf cart or a hybrid something or other. There are some buses or trucks that wouldn't be allowed on the roads in the States cause they are so overloaded. Sometimes the piles of stuff on top of the van is taller than the van itself.

I'd say the most common form of transportation here is a moto. Basically it's a little motorcycle. It fits 2 Americans or 6 Togolese. Or 2 Togolese and a cow. I like them. Otherwise, bikes are also pretty common. I bought my own yesterday, and it's cute. It even has a basket. However, riding a moto or a bike in an ankle length skirt presents it's own challenges. While I am not yet able to jump onto the back of a moving moto, I haven't fallen yet. So that's something.

That's what I got for now. I'm doing well. I'm busy and have a lot to get used to. I told myself yesterday that it's nothing that I can't do....it's just stuff I've never done before. So here's a toast to new experiences. Bring it on.

Love you all and miss you!!
C

ToGo

(I wrote this a day and a half ago, but didn't have the internet strength to post it until now.)

Hey America! How’s it going over there? What’s new? I don’t have great internet access, and I sure as whiskey am not going to spend those precious seconds of working internet looking up the news… I don’t think I will miss it at all. And that’s the silver lining of being disconnected for 8 months.

So a lot has happened in the last few days. This is an attempt to give a brief timeline and not bore you.

Before I left: So many people were so kind and supportive. Thank you to everyone who gave me a hug or a prayer or a letter or anything else. My young adult group collected letters and gave me an envelope to open every month. That meant so much to me.

Tuesday am: Left early for O’Hare. Tried to check in, but they wouldn’t let me because of some visa stuff. The computer at the airport was saying one thing, but I had been told another. Had to jump through some hoops, but made it through. Flew to Newark, NJ.

Tuesday pm: Hung out in the Newark airport for far too long. Met up with my travel buddy from ABWE. Met some other missionaries to Togo in the airport. Boarded my flight to Lome.

Plane ride: Dudes. I lucked out. As far as overnight long airplane rides go, I hit the jackpot. There was no one in my row so I could lie down. Score! I actually slept some.

Arrival: Got into the airport and someone hired by ABWE from a travel company was there to meet us. Thank goodness. She was awesome and helped us get through all of the many steps in French. Walked outside and was greeted by 3 wonderful ABWE missionary ladies.

Lome: If I tried hard enough, I could get a keyboard or something that does those accents over letters. However, that takes Google and internet so I’m not going to bother.  Lome has an accent over it….anyway. The missionary ladies were using the day to run errands, so we went to the Togo equivalent of Meijer. Anybody interested in pickled duck feet? Or unrefrigerated milk? I can hook you up if you’re willing to pay some very heavy customs fees.

The drive: The roads are red. Everyone sells their stuff on the street. People carry really heavy things on their heads. There are chickens and lizards everywhere. It’s hot. There are basically no traffic rules.

Tsiko: This week I am staying at the southern hospital’s guesthouse. It is very comfortable. They provide meals and laundry while I’m here. I haven’t figured out the hot water for the shower yet….There’s a monkey named Napoleon living right outside my door.

Hospital and clinic: This topic is too much to talk about for a summarizing blog. It deserves 8 months’ worth of its’ own posts ;) . It’s different. I thought I knew things, and now I don’t. I thought I understood healthcare, and now I don’t. I thought I was improving on my French, and now I don’t. I’ve got a lot to learn.

I think that’ll do it for now. I’m heading up to Mango on Tuesday when some missionary doctors arrive. I’ll do my best to keep up with the blog. If you’re on Facebook, I have a page Caroline in Togo where I can update a little more regularly.

Thank you all for praying. I miss you already.

In Christ,

-C-

Lip Sync

P.S. I've been saying that I'm using this blog to update you all about Togo. But it's my blog so I can interject some random stuff in here right? Right.

P.P.S. I know the P.S. usually comes after, but I don't care today.

So.

My family and I just got back from the most magical cruise ever. It was a 7 day Carnival cruise to the Western Caribbean. We visited Mexico, Belize, Honduras, and the Grand Cayman Islands. We did an Amazing Race adventure, went snorkeling on coral reefs, climbed Mayan Ruins, and visited one of the highest ranked beaches in the world. Being on a cruise with your five favorite people in the world is one of the best things in life. However, the highlight was something I never expected.

Here's the story. (I'm going to really try to abbreviate it, but it might be difficult)

Day 1. I got on the ship and saw Lip Sync Battle Auditions on the itinerary. My family said I should audition. I agreed to at least go watch and see.
Note: In my mind, the Lip Sync Battle would be a bunch of kids and people with liquid courage.... I thought the audition would be for a show with a bunch of different people performing- kind of like a low pressure talent show (cause you don't actually sing).

Day 2 (Day at Sea). We go to the auditions. They call for guys and girls to volunteer. After some convincing, I was the last person to join. First thing they do is say that we had 2 minutes to find 'swagger' and then strut it out. After that, I don't remember anything, but there is video proof of everything, so you get to see my ridiculous attempts. Basically, the audience voted and weeded out 1 boy and 1 girl through 3 rounds.The 'swagger' round, the 'dancing' round, and the 'lip sync' round.  The audience voted me through each time

 Round 1. My 'swagger' was a salt shaker and a fork.

Round 2. What I call the 'I'm panicking dance'

Round 3. Even my banana microphone couldn't save my white girl awkwardness. 

The Winners

As you can tell, I am not a performer, but the audience voted me through anyway. I was announced as the Lip Sync Battle Female Contestant. Then the male contestant and I were given a bag with an ipod with all of the possible songs, books with song lyrics, and a schedule. I remember looking at the schedule and realizing that my cruise was not going to be carefree and casual anymore. I had assigned times for a photo shoot, a mini lip sync battle, a cruise TV interview, a dress rehearsal, and the final show on the last night of the cruise. The girl in charge started talking about costumes and backup dancers and how we were 'the celebrities of the ship'. 

I finally realized that the Lip Sync Battle is the main event of the cruise, and I was the main attraction. 

Note: At this point, I was simultaneously terrified and ridiculously excited. For years I've said that I want to become famous just so I can get on Dancing with the Stars. I (obviously) can't dance, I can't sing, I can't act, but I love it. I've been lip syncing and white girl dancing at weddings and dances and for no reason whatsoever for years. I never thought I'd get a chance to scratch that itch. 

Day 3. This day was mainly to help promote the final event. We met for a quick photo shoot so that they could get pictures of us. I had to wear this robe thingy. After pictures, we went up the Mini Lip Sync Battle. The other guy and I took turns doing 2 really quick songs each. Once again, I totally didn't get it. I thought it wasn't a big deal. I was wrong. There were hundreds of people there. I was so stinkin nervous. I did okay I think. There isn't video of it, but I pulled out my ponytail and did a hair flip during the second song which was kinda cool. The moment I remember and will always remember is when the audience cheered to determine who won. They were SO LOUD! If that had been it, I still would say it was a dream come true. But that wasn't it. 

The first part of the dance. The rest got cut off. 

Oh that face. Ugh. We'll keep this picture small. 

 Another delightful face

My Reaction

Days 4-6.  I also would regularly realize that I would be dancing in front of 2000 people and my stomach would churn and my heart rate would increase and I'd start sweating. People recognized me all over the boat and wished me luck. Good times. 

Day 7. The Big Day. I got up early for a Cruise TV interview with the cruise director. I doubt anybody was watching besides the two contestants' families, but it was still a hoot. 

Note: I wasn't planning on being on TV or on stage during this cruise. I had absolutely no makeup. So thanks to my family for helping me out. 

Next was the dress rehearsal. They put me into a black sequined pantsuit and handed me a huge afro wig. I had backup dancers!!!! And a dressing room!!!!  I should be embarrassed by how much fun I had at the rehearsal. 

Finally, it was time. Thanks to my amazing family (who had reserved seats in the front row), there is video of nearly the whole thing. Actually, it's just of me. 2000 people were there. The other guy was also really great. Kids came up and did a thing, and the crew did some stuff in between. But you're reading MY blog so you get to watch ME make a fool out of myself. So I'll shut up now and just let you watch. 

The posters all over the ship

My introduction: I thought I'd be funny and pretend to do the splits. Please note that my adrenaline fueled body thought I was more flexible than I am, so those splits went too far. I am not that flexible, and I was limping the next day. 

(Although the video is only 3 minutes long, it's too big for the blog. Here's the link)

Lip Sync Battle Round 1 

Lip Sync Battle Round 2

The video they showed in between rounds.

The results. 

Afterwards, people came to me and wanted to take pictures with me. With ME! No actual talent and no status outside of the ship. I walked into breakfast the next morning and received applause. For a week I was a star, and I had so much fun. Thank you Carnival Miracle and the whole team who made this possible. Hope you enjoyed laughing at me. See ya soon!

-C-

Get Se(n)t

"No one is SENT by accident to anyone"

Quick disclaimer: I was super excited to find this quote because it fits perfectly into what I'm saying in this post. As a person trying to be responsible for anything that I put on the internet, I looked up where it came from. It's from a book called A Course in Miracles. I have not read the book and am not supporting anything the book says. I'm just using the quote because I like it. Cool?

So. I am currently unemployed. That's weird. The longest I've ever been unemployed since the age of 13 was after I graduated from nursing school and was looking for a job. Looking back, it wasn't that long of a time. However, my family would attest that I didn't always handle that period of uncertainty very gracefully.....I distinctly remember lying facedown on the couch, despondent and loudly lamenting to the world that no one wanted me and I would never get a job.... Good times....

Anyway. All that basically to give you two announcements about getting SENT. 

1. I am fully funded! I received financial clearance from ABWE! I feel so incredibly blessed by so many of you. I shared in an earlier post that fundraising was the main reason I didn't want to go to Togo, so thank you for SENDing me, supporting me, encouraging me, and teaching me the lessons that I learned in this post. 

2.  I finished my last shift on the oncology unit yesterday. I am ready for the next phase of life, but it was bittersweet to say goodbye to the coworkers and patients that I've had the privilege to work with for the past 3 years. The SEND-off they gave me was way beyond what I expected. I got not just one, but TWO cakes in addition to lots of encouragment, really sweet cards, candy, and hugs. Thank you all so much. 

This brings me back around to my original quote at the beginning of the post. I'm sitting here unemployed for the next month and a half, and I have a chance to actually reflect on the last three years of work, the upcoming journey to Togo, and the concept of the word "SEND".

According to Google, send means "cause to go or be taken to a particular destination or direction"  The Bible talks a lot about sending and being sent. It is also a word that if you type it too often, you kind of forget what the word means and think it looks really weird. 

 Life provides the opportunity to make a difference in a person's life through the smallest interaction. It sounds cheesy, but I would like to think that at a small level I was purposefully sent to each of my patients for 8-12 hours a shift. Or maybe they were sent to me. I know it wasn't an accident that on my very last day of work I sat on the bed with a patient and held her hand and prayed with her. I'm thinking of all of the places I've been sent in my life, the people who have been sent to me, who are sending me, and to whom I will be sent. All this was designed by the One who sent Jesus and now sends us. It's not an accident. 

"Here I am Lord, SEND me"

Get Ready

Salut! Bonjour! 

    When I blog or write nearly anything, a majority of the time is spent sitting in front of a blank screen, typing a few words or sentences, and then erasing them. I'll brainstorm ideas or research topics....I'll flip back and forth between Facebook and my email cause I'm distracted.... I've written entire drafts of speeches and then completely erased them. My final drafts are not always that great, but I can assure you that it took a while to get there. Once I get going, it's much smoother. The initial jump is the hardest. 

    I think that the initial jump is actually the hardest for a lot of things. Starting a project, initiating a conversation, beginning your exercise routine, or committing to a decision takes more effort than actually just doing it. 

    This past week, I took the second real jump into planning for Togo. The first jump was sending out support letters. Standing at the post office with a box of letters freaked me out as I realized that it would be much more difficult to back out if 100+ letters were floating around telling people about my vision. I jumped anyway. 

     My second jump was going to short term field prep with ABWE in Pennsylvania. Together with about 35 other people, I attended a 3 day training seminar to prepare us for serving in different countries across the world. Here are my main takeaways. 

1. ABWE seems to take wonderful care of its missionaries. From the gift bags waiting for us at the hotel to the health insurance seminar to the dessert with our directors to the careful preparation for each and every seminar....I felt valued. I didn't realize how important this was until I realized how many details and planning go into an 8 month trip. Without ABWE, I would be so lost, overwhelmed, and unprepared. To those of you who are worry warts or see the glass as half empty, don't worry. I'm in good hands :)

2. It was a wonderful revelation to discover how bonded you can be to people who have similar goals or visions. If you walk into a room and know that everyone there is on a similar journey, you can talk about things and relate to them on a deeper and more meaningful level than you would with someone else you just met. Realistically, I probably won't see most of them ever again, but I am so grateful for the relationships I made. I was so encouraged, and I'll be praying for them as we all go on our separate paths.

3. I am Type A (I didn't learn that at field prep. It is a very obvious fact). Togo is not. I believe that this will be the biggest culture shock. I will go to work expecting to get stuff done. I'll have my to-do list and a plan for the day. I will start talking to someone and they might want to ask me about my well-being. We might have a long conversation about their children and where I got my skirt and how their pet antelope is doing and how I am adjusting to the heat before we get anything done. This is not how America works, but it is something that I am so excited to experience. I know I may feel frustrated, but prioritizing relationships over efficiency is definitely something I could work on. Market day is not going to be like grocery shopping. It'll be the social event of the week where talking to the vendors is more important than the food. *deep breath* It's gonna be an amazing experience.

4. After going to training, I feel like everything is more real. The plans I'm making are more tangible. I knew that training would either freak me out or get me really excited. It managed to do both, but in a good way. I will hopefully have a concrete departure date soon and get final clearance from everyone. I'm getting ready. 

I'm almost funded! Finances should not be holding me back at all. Thank you so much to all of you who have given generously and shown me so much support and love. 

Hopefully more details coming soon! I love you all!

Because they haven't heard,

-C-

A Massive Thank You!

Hello my friends!

I'm just going to dive right in. From the beginning, I truly believed that taking an 8 month trip to Africa would significantly change my life. Even the process of applying was full of prayer and listening. I don't want to pretend to know what God is going to do with my time there, but I know that I will be impacted in one way or another. What I did not expect was that I would learn so much before I even left.

When considering going to Togo, there were a few things holding me back. The first reason was that I would miss my family, friends, and what is familiar. The second reason was that I did not want to raise money. After a few frank discussions with God, I realized that the reason I didn't want to fundraise was because of my own pride. Asking people for money hurt my pride and independence, so naturally the first thing I had to learn was how to get over that. Still working on it.

Now I am a few weeks into the fundraising process, and I am simply amazed by the generosity, encouragement, and support that I have received. I've been processing this for a couple of days, so here are my thoughts in no particular order.

1. I sent out support letters, and truly wanted people to just be aware of the opportunity I have. Money, unfortunately, is necessary, but receiving prayer and encouragement was really the goal. I have gotten letters and had conversations with so many people that have helped me to confirm that this is God's will for me. Going to Africa is scary. I might not be able to use my left hand, wear pants, or take a hot shower. I don't know anyone. I don't know the language. However, YOU have helped encourage me by introducing me to people who have been to Togo, sending me notes and articles, and affirming me and the trip. You are excited for me, and that makes me excited too. Thank you.

2.  It'll take me a little bit to get to the point of this point. Hang in there. Most people who know me well would call me stingy. If they're feeling nice, they might call me frugal. For my whole life, I have struggled with spending money- particularly giving. Over a number of years, I've had to work on my relationship with money. It's taken me a lot of time to realize that the money is already God's, and I just have it for a while. I know that when we tithe or give to the church, it is an act of worship. However, that is particularly true with me cause giving is hard. Now that I have been receiving your generous financial gifts, I am feeling the impact of your worship. If I'm getting a little abstract and poetical I apologize, but I feel like you are trusting God to do big things and trusting Him and praising Him and glorifying HIS name through your giving. Thank you.

3. Going back to the whole pride and independence thing.... I am really proud and independent. The past few weeks have been like getting a really really nice slap in the face because I am realizing that I am such a little part of this. I've been saying things like, "I am going to Togo". "I am fundraising". "I am teaching nurses" etc... But then this process has helped me realize that it's soooo not about me. I might be traveling there alone, but I am joining with people who have the same goals. There are so many people who have committed to joining me by praying for me or supporting me financially. You've got my back. You've helped me learn that I am part of a team and part of the body of Christ. Thank you.

4. This kinda goes along with #3, but reading shorter paragraphs is easier on the eyes. I have been witnessing your giving, your encouragement, and your support. At first, I felt pretty undeserving. And while grateful, I felt a lot of pressure. The last thing that I have been learning is that if this whole journey was based on what I can do, I don't deserve this. I can't possibly measure up to the expectations I've been giving myself. However, it's not up to me, and it's not about me. I am a little lump of clay or tool or body part or piece of the pie or whatever metaphor you want to use when talking about God's plan. I get to use this time to serve Him, and He gets to do what He wants with it. That changes my mindset from feeling pressure to feeling privileged. I guess that applies to the rest of my life too.

I cannot thank all of you enough. I am just over halfway to my fundraising goal which is so encouraging! I'm still learning, so be prepared for more long rants if you continue to read this blog (which I hope you will).
Love you all!
-C-

Woohoo!!!!

I FINISHED SCHOOL!!!! I DID IT!!!!!!

I graduated! I finished! Oh boy it feels good.  

I started this countdown sheet in September of 2016 when I hadn't cut down on my working hours, had started my clinical hours, and had frequent emotional breakdowns, and could barely keep up.

I had to add extra days because I ended up taking last summer off (one of the best decisions of my life), so I had to add on the extra semester. I kept this at work and would look forward to crossing off each day. Yesterday I didn't have anything to cross off except for another item on my bucket list :) :) 

So right now (assuming I didn't flunk my last presentation) I am Caroline MSN RN. Once I take my certification exam this summer, I will get to add even more letters to my name. At that point, I will be Caroline MSN RN AGCNS-BC. I'd tell you exactly what that meant, but it's so long I think I'd bore you. 

Thank you everyone for encouraging me and supporting me and putting up with my mood swings from school! Someone asked me if I had more free time now. Not gonna lie- the answer is no. I have managed to fill up any free time I had, but it's stuff that I like to do. 

On another note, I am more than 1/4 of the way funded for my trip! It's been just over two weeks since I started fundraising... I have a post brewing about how incredibly amazed I have been by the generosity of friends and family. That will be coming soon so stay tuned. Thank you so much for your support!  

I love you all. The sun is shining, I don't need a jacket to walk outside. I don't have school assignments hanging over my head. My sister is coming home from school this week. I'm going out to dinner to celebrate graduation tomorrow.  Life is good. 

-C-