I've been trying to write this post for about a month now, but I couldn't figure out how. A "final" or "goodbye" Togo post felt like closing the book on a chapter of my life that I wasn't ready to end, so I put it off. There are a few other things that have been a little tricky to figure out....Like my future... And after being back for a month, I'm still not sure where I'm going from here, what my life should look like, or even what I would like my future to look like. Also, It's hard to try to wrap up the last 10 months into a normal conversation. My perspective has understandably changed on a lot of things. It's not that reverse culture shock has been so bad or that I didn't naturally fit back into my routine back home, but I think I've had a hard time figuring out how to talk to people about my time in Togo.
You know those books where it takes about half of the book for the plot to even start? The author needs to take a lot of time to give you context and background so that the reader is truly invested in the story and characters. Sometimes, my experience with talking to people in a passing conversation about life in a different country has been like picking a random chapter out of one of those books and expecting the person to understand what's going on (I was going to give specific examples here, but the only examples I could think of exposed how nerdy I am). This isn't a bad thing, but it's something that I'm continuing to figure out as I try to reacclimate and live fully in the next chapter that life brings.
So, while I stalled on writing, my family had the privilege to go on a cruise to the Bahamas. Let me tell ya, there is quite a stark contrast between Mango, Togo and a cruise ship- they don't have a lot in common. But. I found one thing, so let me tell you a story. Before we left, my sister and I went over a quick checklist of the 'things you don't want to forget to pack for your summer vacation' (passport, phone charger, deodorant, etc.). She reminded me to bring my sunglasses, but what did I forget? My sunglasses. Not a huge deal, but it is minorly inconvenient when you're planning on sunbathing in the Caribbean. When we got to our room, I looked under the bed to see if there was room for our suitcase, and what did I see? A pair of beautiful, plastic, heart-shaped, tween, not-at-all-tacky sunglasses- which I proudly wore throughout the rest of our vacation (see picture below).
Why the story about sunglasses? Because in the months I spent in Togo, there were countless sunglasses stories. Before I left, I sent out one letter, and in just 6 weeks, I received more than enough support to send me to Togo. I got a large hole in the sole of my tennis shoes, but someone who was leaving gave me an even nicer pair in my exact size the very next day. I lost my bathing suit, but a bathing suit in my size showed up on the free table the next week. I didn't bring enough skin lotion to combat the dry season, and a missionary bought me her favorite kind as a gift. My backpack and flip flops and favorite cami and swimsuit all held out til my very last week in Togo and then fell apart. When I knew absolutely no one in the country, I made lifelong friendships and found incredible community. The day I came home from work with absolutely nothing left, my roommates fixed me a hot plate of food and fresh muffins and asked me to play and sing worship songs until I could smile again. During those days at the hospital where I ran from task to task as fast as my skirt would allow, people showed up at just the right time to help. While teaching a nursing course for the first time in a different language, the students and I all gave and received grace as we communicated and understood each other. In all of the times when I thought I wasn't good enough or was out of my league or that I couldn't do it, there was a 'Rock of Refuge to which I can always go' Psalm 71:3.
He was always there. He was always enough. He always will be.
So in conclusion, one doesn't need sunglasses in order to have a good vacation, and God doesn't have to provide every time I am a ditz and forget, ruin, wear out or lose things. However, He is faithful. As I talk to people about everything I learned in Togo, I can focus on glorifying Him and sharing about the work He is doing. And no matter what the next chapter brings...
"I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds,
of your saving acts all day long—
though I know not how to relate them all.
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord;
I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone.
Since my youth, God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, my God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your mighty acts to all who are to come." Psalm 71:14-18
