The Temp

I've been lucky. 

Since coming back to the States, I've been able to work as a travel nurse in temporary positions that work with my schedule. I've had the freedom to spend time with family and friends while still being able to put in some hours in various places. It has been almost exactly what I was hoping to do with my time at home, and I have been so blessed. 

However.

Healthcare is a tough place to work these days. As a temp nurse, the openings are generally in places that are desperately understaffed. The work isn't any easier, and there's just a lot of it. I'm sure you've heard the stories... but nurses are tired. There have been so many days when I feel like I'm just scraping by. 

But. 

One day I was charting in a patient's room, and she said, "maybe you know...what's the difference between the Old Testament and the New Testament?" Now I'm sure this lady was just bored out of her mind after spending weeks in the hospital with no visitors allowed. I'm sure she was just trying to start a conversation and glanced at the New Testament the chaplain had left on her bedside table. I'm sure she had no idea that I had just finished with my other patients and had half an hour to sit down and chat. I'm sure she had no idea that she'd gotten herself into an in-depth theological conversation where I could clearly present the Gospel. I'm not sure she really wanted to go in that deep, but I sure took advantage of the opportunity😛.I'm sure she has no idea that I'm still praying for her and that she would understand Truth. That day I felt like a good nurse. 

One day I took care of a man who needed a machine to breathe for him. Though he was fully awake, he couldn't talk, eat, breathe for himself, or lift his arms or legs at all. As I was turning him to relieve the pressure on his sacrum, he started to mouth some words to me. Through a combination of my lip reading skills, trial and error, and resorting to going through the alphabet to spell words I couldn't make out, I was able to take down a fairly lengthy and detailed message to give his wife. When I called her and relayed the message, she burst into tears. With no visitors allowed and overworked nurses, she hadn't been able to truly communicate with her husband in days. Twenty minutes out of my day on the phone with her made all the difference. That day I felt like a good nurse. 

Those were days that reminded me that I don't have to be getting an IV on the first try on a seizing baby in the 100 degree heat in the middle of Africa in order to be a 'good nurse'. Those were days that reminded me to be faithful, to be willing to take the time, and to remember that, 'whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for people' Colossians 3:23. 

Because they haven't heard,

-C-

 

Only a Half Day

    

The Link: Only a Half Day

The Challenge: Create the 'Ultimate Day' and run 13.1 miles over the course of 13 hours while accomplishing as much as possible with the time in-between. 

The Reason: Cause it sounded like a challenge. And I'm a sucker for punishment.

The Rationale: Do things for a reason- whether it's for someone else, the environment, my own health, something I've been putting off, or is simply a favor for my mom, do everything with a purpose. 

The Results: I could barely move the next day, but I do feel like I accomplished the 'ultimate day'. 

Though my knee and back may ache, it still felt good. 

 

Short. Sweet. Spectacular.

 Guess what! This girl's 100% funded and is going back to Togo!

I'm just... Humbled. Privileged. Blessed. Excited. Encouraged. Supported. Sent.

God has been teaching me a lot through this process. I have loved getting to share about God's calling and my vision for Togo with so many different people. Every time I share, I get more excited to go back. Thank you.

Your support and generosity puts a kind of weight on me- not like trying to a squat with a painful weighted bar on my shoulders way- but in a poignant and meaningful way. I don't take it lightly or for granted. I want to be a steward of the gifts I've been given- whether those gifts are opportunities, skills given by God, or your financial support. Thank you.

50% of my support from individuals has come from people of my generation- a statistic not at all normal in this day and age. Maybe my friends are just trying to get rid of me for 3 years... but I am being sent by many young adults who have a shared vision for the spread of the Gospel. How cool is that? Thank you!

I'm encouraged. I'm pumped. I'm ready. Let's go!

Thank you 💗

-C-

Who Hasn't Changed

   So I guess that if you're a person who decides to raise funds through a missions organization,  sets up times to talk to people about your dream/vision/mission for you ministry, and plan on going overseas to work in a mission hospital for 3 years, people will call you a 'missionary'. Yeah, that seems like a logical conclusion, but to me, it kind of feels weird. Aren't missionaries supposed to be... you know...more... missionary-ish?

   When I look at my life in the last 2 months in the States, it seems like not a lot of me has changed from pre-Togo times. It feels normal wearing shorts and a tank top. As a 'missionary', it doesn't mean that I act like a saint when a patient throws his full coffee mug at me. I still come home from a long day at work and just want to veg out and watch Hamilton on Disney+.  I still complain about the coronavirus. I still talk about movies and boys and Taylor Swift's latest album. Though I don't understand TikTok at all, I try to stay kind of culturally relevant. Jury is out on how successful that venture has been...

   But then... How could the last 18 months leave me unchanged? My moto scarred and burned legs alone are a testament to the... enthusiastic lifestyle I've lived for the last 18 months. I will forever be missing somewhere because my heart lives in two places half a world apart. Friendships that were formed in the midst of experiencing some of life's most difficult moments together will last forever- because how could we forget?  There are fewer things I take for granted, more things I hold sacred, lots of things I understand differently, and nothing in my wardrobe left unsaturated by sweat.

   Ergo, I've deduced that missionaries are still just people who don't have it all figured out. Parts of my life have been forever changed, and that can be hard, but it's a good thing. You know what else is a good thing? God doesn't change. He loves the Togolese baby girl on a CPAP machine and the 95 year old American man with severe dementia. He is loving and good and just. Astonishingly, He uses flawed people like me and you to fulfill His will, and that'll never change.

-C-

The Plunge

Dear family, friends, and friends who are more like family,

   For the last 18 months, I've had opportunities for spiritual, relational, personal, and professional growth that I couldn't ever have imagined for myself. What started out for me as a blind leap of faith has become a place, a people, and a project that has captivated me. God is actively working on people's hearts in Togo, and I have been privileged to witness so much of His goodness and grace. Incredibly and humbly, I do feel like my skill set has been used to effectively contribute to the mission of the Hospital of Hope and my team here in Mango. My short term commitment is quickly coming to a close, but as many people have guessed, I believe there is more for me to do in Togo.
*Deep breath in before the plunge*
I am thrilled, nervous, and excited to announce that I will be transitioning to a mid-term commitment with ABWE for a 3 year term.
*Big exhale* Let me break it down for you.

Who? Me. Through ABWE. With my team in Mango, Togo. 

What? My primary role will be to assist in training the next class of Togolese nursing students. They will undergo a 3 year program, and I hope to see them through its' entirety. My responsibilities will be a lot of clinical coordination and training on nursing skills as well as some teaching and administration work. I will continue to work as a nurse in the hospital and continue other nursing projects when possible. 

When? The nursing program is scheduled to start in May or June of 2021. The goal is for me to be there. However, for me to be the most effective educator that I can be, I need to improve my French skills. Before returning to Togo, I will be going to language school in Switzerland for 4-5 months. That moves the approximate departure date to January 2021. Potential completion of my term would be in June of 2024. 

Where? Uh.... Togo. With a pit stop in Switzerland. 

Why? Let me tell you about the people in the photo below. By 'coincidence', the two girls showed up at the hospital on the same day and were diagnosed with the same type of cancer and started chemotherapy on the exact same day. I've been training several nurses in giving chemo, so I have been present for nearly every one of their treatments. In between their chemo cycles, they stay together in our cuisine. Both girls have been so strong and have become precious to me. The little munchkin on the left of the picture changes his shirt when he knows I'm coming and has spent a lot of time in my arms. Last week, we were all having a coloring party together, and one of the girls made me the picture I posted below. 

F and R with their moms and little brother S

"Good trip Caroline, and may God be with you. Thank you
for the joy you give and for the support you give." 

   Why am I committing to 3 years in a country where 100 degrees is a normal temperature? They're why. Because of the ministry of the hospital, these girls have gotten treatment unavailable anywhere else in Togo, but more importantly, they've gotten to hear about Jesus and the hope that He gives. 

Teaching new nursing protocols

    When the new nursing class starts, the new students will become influential and respected members of their community and will have the opportunity to care for and speak into the lives of thousands of Togolese over many years. Most of the students will not be believers. Why am I committing to 3 years in a country with snakes, lizards, and bug infestations? They're why. I don't even know them yet, but the opportunity that those students will have to influence the community is powerful. Please join me even now in praying for the selection of these students and their openness to the Gospel. 

Dinner with my twin's mom

   Community in Togo is so important. It is normal, acceptable, and expected for neighbors to show up and sit with you. No agenda. No reason needed. No time constraints. Over time, I have developed friendships with neighbors, old patients, and people in town. As these relationships grow, so does the opportunity for intentional conversations and evangelism. Why am I committing to 3 years in a place where the power and water go out for hours on a regular basis? They're why. Because they haven't heard, but the field is ripe.

Sewing school girls

   The girls from the sewing school come from hard backgrounds. I haven't had the opportunity to learn all of their stories, but Bible study with them has been a highlight of this trip. Ask me to show you the video of them dancing the Chicken Dance in our yard. There is nothing happier. Why am I committing 3 years away from family, friends, and what I consider comfortable? They're why.

How? Not alone. When I started the process of coming to Togo 2 years ago, I was blown away by the amount of support I received. I've continued to receive that support during my time here which has made an incredible impact on my ministry. My hope is that my supporters don't just have a financial investment, but that as I share stories, are also able to pray and rejoice and mourn alongside me. Now that I'm taking the plunge, I am asking for you to take part in it with me. 

    As I transition back to the States, I will start a process of sharing more about my time here and raising support. Please start prayerfully considering if you are able to join my team both prayerfully and financially. The transition from short-term to mid-term does require a substantial increase in support requirements. I will now be an employee of ABWE instead of a volunteer which adds costs for insurance, taxes, and different ministry funds. I will need to reach the amount of just over 3,000 dollars per month for the duration of my time in Togo as well as my months of language school in Switzerland. One time gifts will go towards expenses like travel and language school while monthly gifts will make up a majority of my support for the upcoming 3 years. 

     If you feel led to give, you can visit the ABWE website here:   https://www.abwe.org/work/missionaries/caroline-klingbeil  (Note: it still says short-term, but that will be changed shortly). If you are committing to a monthly gift, please make sure you choose that option. It is also possible to set a future start date, so even if you do not start giving until I leave in January, please go ahead and indicate that you plan on giving. This way, I can get financial clearance as soon as possible. 

    While raising financial support is the practical means of getting me back to Togo, I am also seeking people to join me in praying for the people and ministry in Togo. If you want to know how to pray more specifically, I would love to share more stories about how God is working in Togo. If you would like to set up a time to talk, please let me know. 

    Thank you in advance for being readers and supporters who take the plunge with me. Thank you for listening to the stories. Thank you for praying. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

See you soon!

Because they haven't heard,

Caroline

What is Certain

Hey friends!
   Remember back in the day when we took things like church and school for granted? When travel might be expensive and annoying, but it was almost always possible? When the thought of shutting down a country seemed unthinkable? How much has changed since then...all the way back in....March. A whopping month and a half...

   A quick 'Rona update:  I posted an update on March 24 on my Facebook page about how the Hospital of Hope was gearing up for COVID-19 patients. At that point in time, there were 18 cases in Togo. Though the team thought ahead and prepared as best as we could, we already work with limited resources.  I asked for prayer that God would protect the Hospital of Hope and that He would be glorified through this situation. Very shortly after that, there was a positive case in my town and we had our first suspect case at HOH. We braced ourselves for the onslaught of patients. But now we're here in the middle of April. Our suspect case came back negative, and there have been no new cases in Mango. The country of Togo is up to 81 cases, but thus far, God has protected us. Thank you so much for praying!!!

    Even in Togo, the last few months have brought a lot of uncertainty.

    Our number of patients is down- we went from having hundreds of people at our front gate every day to maybe a couple dozen. Part of that is due to border closures, part of that is due to canceling elective or non-urgent cases, and part of that is due to public fear. Many of our patient come from Burkina Faso and are now unable to get care because of the closures. It is uncertain when borders will open again or how the community will respond as time goes on. What is certain is that God has not forgotten about those patients in Burkina. He is a refuge and stronghold in times of trouble- Psalm 9:9-10. 
 
     I've found myself wondering if our COVID ward will be full in a couple weeks time or if it will continue to sit empty. Will we have enough equipment? Enough oxygen capability? Enough staff to cover both the hospital and the ward? The questions never end and the answers might not come anytime soon. In all this, it is certain that the Lord is before all things, and in Him, all things hold together- Colossians 1:17. 

     Like so many people, my plans for both the immediate future and the farther out future have been disrupted. The Type A in me is being challenged by all the factors that are completely out of my control. There's no guarantee that things will work out in the way I've imagined or planned- they probably won't. But I am certain that I don't have to be anxious about anything, and that in all things, I can present my requests to Someone who will hear me and grants a peace that passes all understanding. Paraphrased Philippians 4:6-7

     It might feel like ministries are being crippled. So many positive things have come to an abrupt halt. I've felt obligated to social distance myself from my elderly neighbors. I was about to teach my next Bible study in French when the sewing school was shut down.  And it felt like we were really getting somewhere. But, God doesn't need us to complete His work. He's got this. "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Philippians 1:6 

    I don't know when I'll be able to gather with Togolese believers on a Sunday morning, with my missionary family at our weekly service, or with all the people at my home church. I do know for certain that that first Sunday back will be an incredibly special reunion when the Body of Christ gets to meet together again to worship our Savior.

     This blog post has primarily been for me as I process and write and figure out how to keep moving on amidst all the changes. Thank you for tagging along with me as always. I am praying for all you back in the States as well! Keep washing your hands! 

 "For I am certain that nothing can separate us from his love: neither death nor life, neither angels nor other heavenly rulers or powers, neither the present nor the future, neither the world above nor the world below, nor the coronavirus or economic fallout, neither uncertainty nor isolation—there is nothing in all creation that will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39- Italics added by me. 

Zoom ya soon!
-C-
   

 
 

I can't think of a title for this post.

    As a volunteer nurse in rural West Africa for a majority of 2019, I think that technically, I fall into a very low tax bracket back in the States. While Uncle Sam may take pity on me this April 15th, I have to admit that never in my life have I felt so incredibly rich. 

    This week was the 5th anniversary of the Hospital of Hope. In my time here, I've continued to be impressed with all that it took to turn the vision of the hospital into reality. So much thought and work went into coordinating a massive effort to build, staff, and start the hospital. The team has persevered through heartbreak and struggle. And in the last five years, the hospital has served over 60,000 patients. God has been faithful and is at work here. There are so many stories of seeing God working and giving hope in seemingly hopeless situations. I feel incredibly privileged to be have this unique opportunity and to be a part of this team.

    

Staff of HOH at the 5th anniversary celebration (I'm on the right towards the back)

    I feel a little sheepish saying this, but most of my Togolese friendships have essentially been handed to me. God has provided relationships with neighbors and new believers and a flock of teenage girls and previous patients that are real and meaningful and extend beyond the language barrier. We had our sewing school/Bible study girls over for some games about a week ago. If laughter were currency, I could afford a Lamborghini. No one has ever had so much fun playing hot potato and duck duck goose. The more relationships I invest in, the more richly I experience this culture.  I still make cultural flubs all the time. The more I learn, the more I realize how little I have learned.

Our porch. This makes me happy. 

My mom and my African Grandma

   
   The most unexpected blessing of coming to Togo has been the missionary kids. On my team, all of the kids call the adults either 'uncle' or 'aunt'. I am Aunt Caroline. Now I know that most of them are instructed to call me that, but it feels right. These kids are thousands of miles away from their biological aunts and uncles, and with the small missionary community, I feel like I do get to step into the role of aunt. Earlier this month, I watched three of the greatest kids while their parents were out of town. Even after 5 days of saying no and enforcing rules, they still liked me (see pics below). We all live life in very close proximity together. It fosters a feeling of family and community that I never expected and is incredibly special.

   Sometimes I just want a big bowl of chocolate ice cream. Sometimes it's really really hot. Sometimes I get annoyed when our water and/or internet stops working. Sometimes I wonder what my life would look like right now if I had never heard of Togo. But when I think of how full and rich my life is, I wouldn't change a thing. 

-C-

The Normal

    A question that I ask a lot is "what's new?" It's a nice question, but if you haven't spent time with people in a while, maybe a better question is, "what's normal?" I frequently blog with the exciting or abnormal stories, but today I'm going to write about what's normal.

    Usually I work 2 full days and a couple of half days at the hospital per week. Since the graduation of the nursing students last year, we've had much better staffing ratios, but I could have anywhere from 3-12 patients on any given day. My favorite is taking care of the peds ward and getting to cuddle  and coo over babies. My least favorite is mens ward- they're just as needy and not nearly as cute. The day is always busy because even if my patients don't need anything at the moment, I use my extra time to restock or clean or organize. I still struggle with language barriers, but not nearly as much is outside my comfort level anymore. It has been so much fun to work alongside the nurses who graduated in June and are doing a great job as nurses. The amount of death we see on a day to day basis is something I'll never get used to. It's hard work in every sense of the word, but the ability to care for people is a special privilege in that way is something I wouldn't trade for anything. 

    When I'm not working at the station, I have a few projects to work on. The list of things I'd like to accomplish is so long, but making things happen within a large system takes time. I finished my training of new nurse aides. I did their final evaluation this week, and I'm pretty sure they were just showing off for me because they did so well. I am leading the yearly nurse competencies and skills day in March. I've drafted a nursing aide scope of practice. We are hopefully expanding our chemo program since the number of cancer patients and chemotherapy has increased. If that works out, I will be doing a special training with selected nurses who would be the designated chemo nurses. The policy manual is a continued work in process. There have been some shifts where I end up in the PACU. I was asked to do one-on-one training with a nurse aide who needs some remediation. There's a possibility that I could implement and train the nurses on standing orders in the hospital. These are all things I care about a lot and have fun doing. I very frequently feel unqualified and inadequate, but so far, God has given me the wisdom and ability. 

    On Thursday mornings, my roommate leads a Bible study with teenage girls from troubled backgrounds who are in a 3 year program at a sewing/hair/bakery school not far from our house. I have gotten to attend, build relationships with these precious girls, and teach my first Bible study in French (I have a long way to go!). After Bible study, I lead P.E. for the missionary kids, and it's a highlight every week. In fact, the MKs are just a highlight in general. I adore spending time with different families and getting to be 'Aunt Caroline' to 30 of the very best kids. 

    A huge prayer request is for my roommate Theresa. She was in a moto accident last week and had some damage done to her mouth. She is okay, but she had to return to the States to get dental care, and it is unclear when she'll be able to come back. Pray for her healing and a quick return. My other roommates are wonderful and are supportive, fun, and encouraging. They put up with me and my utter lack of domesticity and make my life better. 

    My social calendar is full. I visit  neighbors and old patients and play ping pong and work out and chat with my roomies and play euchre and go to movie nights and moto rides and go to bed exhausted every night. 

    God is so good. This is such a special time to be here. The opportunities I have are incredible and match me so well. I tell people that I am being stretched, and when I say that, I mean that I'm about to pull a figurative muscle in my spiritual, emotional, professional, and relational growth. Thanks for reading and caring about the normal parts of my life. Thank you for all your support. 

-C- 

   

    

2019

Hello my friends!

You know those live moving pictures you can capture on an iphone? The ones that make me think Harry Potter may be real?  Thinking back, 2019 was a series of mental live photos- not necessarily the highlight reel, big events, or specific moments- but the mental snapshots that comprise a picture of the past crazy, wonderful, full, delightful, challenging year.

2019 was reaching into an isolette and readjusting a baby's oxygen mask and slowly pushing 2mls of milk through their feeding tube

Staying up late, sitting on the floor of my house with constantly dirty feet, learning and playing new music with my roommates

Belly laughing at the kitchen table with my family long after the meal was finished

It was standing in a hot classroom and stumbling through French grammar (and pronunciation and vocabulary) while attempting to explain nursing concepts

Getting hand cramps and ink smudges while completing my paper charting during my contract position in the States

Posing in odd and unique positions in public areas to help start up Recreate Photo Hunt (shameless plug for recreatephotohunt.com!!)

2019 was becoming a human jungle gym for the world's most amazing missionary kids

Rolling dice to determine my fate as a half-elven ranger in a summer-long D&D campaign

Eating abysmal amounts of stove-top popcorn while playing euchre

Wiping the drops of sweat out of my eyes while starting an IV on a seizing child

It was cheering and clapping for my Togolese friends playing pick-up sticks for the first time

Reaching out to hold the hand of the mother who just lost her child

Squinting and blinking the dust out of my eye as I bumped over sandy, potholey, red roads on my motorcycle

Awakening to the sound of my bedroom door opening and feeling the sudden weight of my dog jumping on my back for a morning snuggle

2019 was sitting around a full table eating waffles, drinking coffee, and attempting to be a part of all three conversations at once

It's been a good year. Thank you everyone who contributed to my 2019. 2020 is looking bright. Happy New Year everyone!

In Him,
-C-