A Massive Thank You!

Hello my friends!

I'm just going to dive right in. From the beginning, I truly believed that taking an 8 month trip to Africa would significantly change my life. Even the process of applying was full of prayer and listening. I don't want to pretend to know what God is going to do with my time there, but I know that I will be impacted in one way or another. What I did not expect was that I would learn so much before I even left.

When considering going to Togo, there were a few things holding me back. The first reason was that I would miss my family, friends, and what is familiar. The second reason was that I did not want to raise money. After a few frank discussions with God, I realized that the reason I didn't want to fundraise was because of my own pride. Asking people for money hurt my pride and independence, so naturally the first thing I had to learn was how to get over that. Still working on it.

Now I am a few weeks into the fundraising process, and I am simply amazed by the generosity, encouragement, and support that I have received. I've been processing this for a couple of days, so here are my thoughts in no particular order.

1. I sent out support letters, and truly wanted people to just be aware of the opportunity I have. Money, unfortunately, is necessary, but receiving prayer and encouragement was really the goal. I have gotten letters and had conversations with so many people that have helped me to confirm that this is God's will for me. Going to Africa is scary. I might not be able to use my left hand, wear pants, or take a hot shower. I don't know anyone. I don't know the language. However, YOU have helped encourage me by introducing me to people who have been to Togo, sending me notes and articles, and affirming me and the trip. You are excited for me, and that makes me excited too. Thank you.

2.  It'll take me a little bit to get to the point of this point. Hang in there. Most people who know me well would call me stingy. If they're feeling nice, they might call me frugal. For my whole life, I have struggled with spending money- particularly giving. Over a number of years, I've had to work on my relationship with money. It's taken me a lot of time to realize that the money is already God's, and I just have it for a while. I know that when we tithe or give to the church, it is an act of worship. However, that is particularly true with me cause giving is hard. Now that I have been receiving your generous financial gifts, I am feeling the impact of your worship. If I'm getting a little abstract and poetical I apologize, but I feel like you are trusting God to do big things and trusting Him and praising Him and glorifying HIS name through your giving. Thank you.

3. Going back to the whole pride and independence thing.... I am really proud and independent. The past few weeks have been like getting a really really nice slap in the face because I am realizing that I am such a little part of this. I've been saying things like, "I am going to Togo". "I am fundraising". "I am teaching nurses" etc... But then this process has helped me realize that it's soooo not about me. I might be traveling there alone, but I am joining with people who have the same goals. There are so many people who have committed to joining me by praying for me or supporting me financially. You've got my back. You've helped me learn that I am part of a team and part of the body of Christ. Thank you.

4. This kinda goes along with #3, but reading shorter paragraphs is easier on the eyes. I have been witnessing your giving, your encouragement, and your support. At first, I felt pretty undeserving. And while grateful, I felt a lot of pressure. The last thing that I have been learning is that if this whole journey was based on what I can do, I don't deserve this. I can't possibly measure up to the expectations I've been giving myself. However, it's not up to me, and it's not about me. I am a little lump of clay or tool or body part or piece of the pie or whatever metaphor you want to use when talking about God's plan. I get to use this time to serve Him, and He gets to do what He wants with it. That changes my mindset from feeling pressure to feeling privileged. I guess that applies to the rest of my life too.

I cannot thank all of you enough. I am just over halfway to my fundraising goal which is so encouraging! I'm still learning, so be prepared for more long rants if you continue to read this blog (which I hope you will).
Love you all!
-C-

Woohoo!!!!

I FINISHED SCHOOL!!!! I DID IT!!!!!!

I graduated! I finished! Oh boy it feels good.  

I started this countdown sheet in September of 2016 when I hadn't cut down on my working hours, had started my clinical hours, and had frequent emotional breakdowns, and could barely keep up.

I had to add extra days because I ended up taking last summer off (one of the best decisions of my life), so I had to add on the extra semester. I kept this at work and would look forward to crossing off each day. Yesterday I didn't have anything to cross off except for another item on my bucket list :) :) 

So right now (assuming I didn't flunk my last presentation) I am Caroline MSN RN. Once I take my certification exam this summer, I will get to add even more letters to my name. At that point, I will be Caroline MSN RN AGCNS-BC. I'd tell you exactly what that meant, but it's so long I think I'd bore you. 

Thank you everyone for encouraging me and supporting me and putting up with my mood swings from school! Someone asked me if I had more free time now. Not gonna lie- the answer is no. I have managed to fill up any free time I had, but it's stuff that I like to do. 

On another note, I am more than 1/4 of the way funded for my trip! It's been just over two weeks since I started fundraising... I have a post brewing about how incredibly amazed I have been by the generosity of friends and family. That will be coming soon so stay tuned. Thank you so much for your support!  

I love you all. The sun is shining, I don't need a jacket to walk outside. I don't have school assignments hanging over my head. My sister is coming home from school this week. I'm going out to dinner to celebrate graduation tomorrow.  Life is good. 

-C-