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    As I'm sitting here, I have battled back and forth on what the mood for this post should be. Should I be funny? Should I be reflective and somber? Should I be factual and boring? I'm struggling with this cause here's the deal. I love what I am doing on my unit, and I personally am doing very well emotionally. However, when I talk to other people, I don't know how to talk about my experiences. On one hand some experiences are so so sad. There are patients who break my heart. On the other hand, I have felt so much joy when working with some patients. I am amazed and humbled by the strength of my patients. On the other hand, a lot of what I do wouldn't make for a very interesting blog. I'm running out of hands, so basically I don't know how to convey what I want to tell you. Basically, be prepared for some emotional whiplash.

     Here is a fact: cancer sucks, but God is still good.
 
     Another fact: because God is good, even cancer patients can have hope.

    One thought that I've been having this week is that as a nurse, I can get very used to things that are odd to other people. For example, I have to get a rectal (butt) swab from any patient who is admitted to our unit. For me, this isn't a big deal, but for some patients it is very intrusive and awkward. I am not allowed to give chemo, but already I can take it in stride. The patients who are receiving chemo for the first time are terrified. What I need to remember is that they aren't used to this. I can't forget that.

  When I get off of my twelve hour shifts and still have an hour and a half commute back to my dorm, I can get a little loopy. I ride with my nursing friend who also has her Capstone at Northwestern. One time on the train, we wrote a song. I had been talking to doctors a lot that day and this is the result.

To the tune of Do You Want to Build a Snowman?

Do you want to give a bolus?
My patient needs some fluids soon
His blood pressure is running low, he doesn't need to go
He's about to swoon!
It used to be an order, but now it's not
I wish you would tell me WHY!?!
Do you want to give a bolus?
We really need a bolus.
Ok bye

Can you order me a norco?
My patient's in a lot of pain!
He's been screaming for two hours now, I don't know how,
I'm going to stay sane!
It gets a little crazy, all these iso rooms
Gowning up every time
Gown, gloves, gown, gloves, gown, gloves, gown, gloves

Doctor,
Please, I know you're still here
Patient's been asking where you've been
I say have patience and he's trying to
He's waiting here for you, so come on in
We only have your number, for emergencies
What are we going to do?
Do you to give me a call back?
......*Click*.........

     So..... yeah. We had fun. My patients are fantastic. Most of them are in the hospital for a very long time, so I currently know over half of the floor from taking care of them in the last few weeks. I love that. I love that when they are walking around the unit I can ask them how they're doing and how their treatment is going. I love that when I walk into their room to help another nurse with something, the patient can greet me by name and be excited to see me. I love it.

I'm tired and I'm working tomorrow, so I'm going to go. Talk to me sometime and I'll tell you more.

So much love,
-C-

Back in the game

Within the last week, I have completed 72 hours of working at Northwestern. I worked Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday, Thursday. This includes an hour and a half commute each way. Let me tell you, it was exhausting. I stayed with my friend in Chicago the first two days, but then I started taking the CTA. This means that I get up at 5:00am and get back around 9:30pm.

I love my unit! My floor mostly works with patients who have leukemias (blood cancers) and who are receiving stem cell transplants. There are two other cancer floors in my building that work with solid tumors and palliative patients.  If patients are getting stem cell transplants, they are scheduled to come in and then stay for roughly a month without any complications. This means that the patients are there for a long time. This can be a good and a bad thing. Some other time, I'll go into more detail about the transplant process. It's fascinating. We have 33 beds on our unit, and the nurses are assigned 3-4 patients every day.

I've really enjoyed working with my nurse. For blogging purposes we'll call her Cinnabon ( I wanted to stick with the theme of yummy desserts from the summer but wanted to avoid Dilly bar or Turnover). She allows me to be as independent as possible while still feeling supported. I have been able to work with three patients that are "all my own". Hopefully, this week I'll be able to get a full patient load. Cinnabon is really good at explaining things to me, but also challenging me to figure things out on my own. When we work together, we are extremely efficient and sometimes end up finishing our tasks very early.

The first day I worked, I mostly just observed and learned. The second and third day, I worked alongside my nurse and did most of the work, but with her beside me. The next few days, I started to take my own patients. The tricky part about this is that I'm not allowed to give chemo or distribute blood products, and this is very common on my floor. This means that I still have to rely on Cinnabon for a bunch of things, but she's good about making me feel like I'm still doing something :)

Sometime, I'll tell you more about my patients, about my unit, about the chemo and transplant processes, and other such nonsense, but I'm not in a creative mood and straightforward facts are just boring. It's going well, and I'm enjoying it. This week, I'm working three days. I'll see you on the flip side.

Adios!

-C