Why am I here?
Don't fret.. I'm not having an existential crisis. I'm doing great. Though this week has reminded me of what has brought me here... why I am living in Switzerland, why I am studying French, why I am going to Togo.
917 applications were received for the nursing school program. 18ish will be accepted. 18 applications of students who've already been in my prayers for over a year. 18 students who will care for the people of Togo for years after I'm there. 18 students who will be stuck with me for the next three years. Some of the students may know Christ, but many won't.
Last week my young, beautiful, Togolese friend died of cancer. Although she had done well with chemotherapy, the cancer came back and spread. After almost 7 years of nursing, I have found that the repetition or frequency of death doesn't dull the hurt it can cause. I have found that 7 years of God's grace and reminders of His promises have equipped me well, but loss still hurts. Another friend is gone. Yet through God's grace, love, and mercy, my friend accepted Christ earlier this year and is now with Him. Hallelujah.
So why am I here? Because last year, I had the chance to share the Gospel, but I ran out of French words. I had motive and opportunity, but not the means. Because through knowing French, I can teach and empower 18 students. Because not all of my cancer friends know Jesus, and cancer sometimes comes back.
Thus, this week, even when I can't remember if the word 'problem' is masculine or feminine, when the French subjunctive rules seem contradictory, or when I butcher the pronunciation of 'accueillir' yet again, I've had a renewed sense of energy, urgency, and desire to learn.
Thus, this year, even when I can't remember laboratory values after a year away from the hospital, when my future students contradict me, or when I lose a patient yet again, I pray to have the energy, urgency, and desire to keep caring and keep loving.
And even when we can't remember what God has promised, when faith seems contradictory, or when we fail yet again, we're here for a reason, so let's press on with an energy, urgency, and desire to serve and glorify Christ.
