Signs and Symptoms of a Nurse

    When in nursing school, one has to make care plans. Each school does them differently, but for the most part, they are the bane of a nursing student's existence. At my school, we would get our patient information the night before we went into the hospital. We would look up the patient's diagnosis, labs, drugs,  and anything else we could get our hands on. Then we would rush back to school and start filling out a mound of paperwork. Every drug required an index card with various information. We had to know lab values and what could make them abnormal. We had to look up a textbook definition of the diagnosis and make sure it made sense to us.
   Then, after the full clinical day, we would come back and make the actual care plan. We'd put all of the information onto a sheet and color code it. We would include different interventions such as 'insert NG tube for bowel obstruction' and then given the rationale behind it. Then we would draw lines. Oh the lines. If a patient was taking an antihypertensive, we would connect that drug to her history of hypertension. If a patient's kidney's function was low, we would connect that to the labs.    
    After all of this, we would write a paper describing each of our lines and how everything was connected. In the end, we would have a stack of papers the size of a novel to hand in and be meticulously graded on. They were a nightmare. I do admit however, that the care plans helped me think things through in a way that I didn't before. It did help me make those connections and realize why I was doing certain actions. I admit it was helpful although it probably gave me a stress ulcer at some point.

    I didn't mean to make the explanation for care plans that long....The whole point of that rant was to let you know that with each diagnosis, a patient has signs and symptoms that can be recognized. Duh.  I meant to set up the rest of my post, but it didn't end up making sense. But now I've typed it, so I'm going to stick with it. Pretend that the rest of this post makes sense and flows cohesively.

    There are certain signs and symptoms that can help you identify a nurse (Phew! Finally got to my punchline) Here are a few to help you spot one a mile away:

-A feeling of being uncomfortable in business casual clothing; I mean, they're used to wearing pajamas all day!
-Hearing call lights and heart monitors even when off duty (It's getting bad, people)
-An uncontrollable urge to use every hand sanitizer station they see
-A fast and purposeful walking stride
-A depressed or absent gag reflex- although this symptom is stronger for some nurses than others
-A twisted sense of humor
-Eyeing and commenting on people's veins in public
-A bladder of steel that is prepared to wait for 12+ hours
-An unnatural ability to do things using only one hand
-Memory loss that occurs at the dinner table when they forget that some people don't like discussing the color of vomit, the smell of a wound, or invasive procedures
-Eating food as if they only have a few minutes before it disappears
-Diagnosing people on the street
-Absentmindedly taking their own pulse
-Countless stories; funny, sad, sweet, or absolutely ridiculous.

Hope this helps. If you see someone who has a number of these signs and symptoms, you might want to walk in the other direction. Nurses be crazy :)

-C-