All the Feels

In my time as a nurse, I have experienced some emotional roller coasters. For the most part, I can keep all of the appropriate facial expressions and words in place. A majority of the time, I can even keep it together til the end of my shift. But I just want to say, that my job is anything but monotonous. I have a few examples in my brain right now, so I'm going to try this without knowing if it'll work. And because I'm me, I'm typing this because I never go back and edit anything so I have to explain my thought process as it's happening. Otherwise, you'll be like, "That was pointless and stupid and not thought out." Well, you were right. My idea is to give a feeling/emotion and then give you a story to go along with it. You'll have to be the judge on how well it actually works.

Heart-broken: Unfortunately, this is an easy one. My favorite patient passed away last week. She had been on and off our unit for months. We knew it was coming, but that didn't make it any easier. She had a small child and was way to young to die of cancer. We saw her decline over the past few weeks. She was one of the patients that I would go talk to when I had a little extra time. She more than a patient to me, and I'll miss her a lot. This particular death is going to hurt for a while. 

Amused: A patient came in for altered mental status. He was very kind and not at all malicious, but he couldn't keep still. In addition, he wasn't very good at balancing. He got up to go the bathroom and sort of fell into my coworkers arms. He was a good deal taller than her but looked down at her and said, "Shall we dance, my lady?" WARNING: NURSE TALK AHEAD. He then proceeded to attempt to use the bathroom. He was unable to really get going and stated, "It's a pity. The urge is strong but the flesh is weak.........I should've been a preacher" We started laughing and he nearly fell over again when he laughed with us. 

Annoyed: A lady is on her call light the minute her pain medication is due. She is medically stable, but gets so upset when you're 5 minutes behind because you're taking care of someone who isn't as stable. In addition, she is so drugged up that she's asleep most of the time so she has to set her alarm so that she can get her medication right on time. 

Happy: A patient's kids are in the room and I let them "help" me get their mom's vital signs. I get my stethoscope and have them listen to each other's hearts and lungs. I talk into the stethoscope and the little girl starts giggling uncontrollably. I get them some juice and crackers and when they leave, they come to the nurses station to say goodbye to me. 

Sad: A patient was so in denial of her condition that instead of sending her home comfortably with hospice, we saw her deteriorate in the hospital and get sicker and sicker. It's hard to watch.

Befuddled: A patient with severe mental disabilities went to the bathroom and wouldn't come out. Nothing we tried worked. Nothing at all. Not bribery, not good nurse/bad nurse, not coaxing, not physical force, not the doctor who tried, not any of the nurses or aids, not leaving her alone. We were completely at a loss. It took 5 or 6 people over an hour and a half to get this woman back to bed.

Disgusted: You have a gross story? I can top it. Not on the blog of course because it's rated PG or E for everyone. I got PG-13 stories galore. I could paint you visual (or olfactory) pictures that would give you nightmares.

Grateful: I had a patient who I talked to for a long time and was so kind and thankful for the care that I gave her. It's amazing what a difference it can make when a person says thank you. I also realized recently how rarely someone says thank you and means it. We talked about a lot of different things and got on the topic of Jesus and our faith. She shared her testimony with me, and I am so grateful for a position where I can have real conversations with people on a daily basis.

Angry: This emotion isn't very frequent. However, I recently dealt with a family member who refused to listen to the nurses and went against what we asked him to do. This resulted in harm to the patient, and I got very upset.

Cynical: I was taking a walk with a patient who had just had surgery. Her family member came along with us for moral support. I encouraged the patient to get to the end of the hallway and then take a break. She sat down a little out of breath, so I told to take 3 deep breaths. The family member apparently took a cue from me to give her family member a 5 minute lecture on deep breathing/meditation/ asana yoga. Then she looked at me and nodded like she had just done me the favor of the month. I chose the word cynical because I couldn't think of any other word to describe "Rolling my eyes". Thanks lady. I appreciate your vast wisdom on how to breathe.

Amazed: I see God's work every day. I see Him through my patients and coworkers, and I am so grateful. People are so unique and so gifted. Even when I'm having a bad day, I can put it back into perspective by looking at my patients. Many of them glorify God even while cancer rages in their body. I am so blessed.

Hey y'all! This is my 100th post!!!!! I'm heading to work now. See you soon!

-C-