In Need of Remediation

One night recently, I paged a doctor to call me back. He is a very well respected doctor, and like usual, I tried to be as prepared as possible for when he called back. It doesn't look good if you call a doctor and then don't know your stuff. He usually calls back right away, so I was sitting at my desk charting, I took a sip of water, and then my phone rang.

Here's something you should know about me. I need remediation when it comes to swallowing. There have been numerous occasions where I have taken the cup during communion and then end up choking and hacking. I don't know how I learned long division, the Krebs cycle, and made it through a college degree when I can't even perform a basic human function.

Anyway, I took a sip of water, and then answered the phone. Then I felt the need to cough. I tried to just suppress the feeling for a short time while I answered the doctor's questions, but it was a struggle.

Another thing you should know about me. My voice is not my own when I talk on the phone. Sometimes it goes into a higher octave or sounds like a first grader who just lost her front teeth. Lots of times I get off the phone and want to slap myself.

Anyway.....I started answering the doctor's questions in a voice that sounded like it was being squeezed through a clogged tube of toothpaste. Then add some squeaks. All I needed to do was hack out a few coughs, but I didn't. I held on. At this point, the nurse next to me grabbed my empty cup of water and ran to get some more. Another nurse came over and started patting me on the back. I thought the conversation was finished, but it wasn't. I started to turn the color of Clifford the Big Red Dog. My eyes started squirting out tears, and I started to sweat like your glass of lemonade on the fourth of July.

Another thing you should know about me. There's a rumor that girls don't sweat- they glisten. It's not true. There's nothing glistening or attractive about the amount of sweat I can produce.

Finally, after pushing through the entirety of the conversation and probably making the doctor think I had some serious issues, I hung up. Then I proceeded to cough, tear up, and sweat for the next ten minutes. The nurses kept asking if I was all right. Apparently they thought I was going to pass out. One of them told me that she was about to call the rapid response team to make sure I was ok.

And that's it. If you've made it this far, you just spent the last two minutes of your life reading about my coughing spell. Hahaha. And that's all for now. Have a good day.

-C-