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    As I'm sitting here, I have battled back and forth on what the mood for this post should be. Should I be funny? Should I be reflective and somber? Should I be factual and boring? I'm struggling with this cause here's the deal. I love what I am doing on my unit, and I personally am doing very well emotionally. However, when I talk to other people, I don't know how to talk about my experiences. On one hand some experiences are so so sad. There are patients who break my heart. On the other hand, I have felt so much joy when working with some patients. I am amazed and humbled by the strength of my patients. On the other hand, a lot of what I do wouldn't make for a very interesting blog. I'm running out of hands, so basically I don't know how to convey what I want to tell you. Basically, be prepared for some emotional whiplash.

     Here is a fact: cancer sucks, but God is still good.
 
     Another fact: because God is good, even cancer patients can have hope.

    One thought that I've been having this week is that as a nurse, I can get very used to things that are odd to other people. For example, I have to get a rectal (butt) swab from any patient who is admitted to our unit. For me, this isn't a big deal, but for some patients it is very intrusive and awkward. I am not allowed to give chemo, but already I can take it in stride. The patients who are receiving chemo for the first time are terrified. What I need to remember is that they aren't used to this. I can't forget that.

  When I get off of my twelve hour shifts and still have an hour and a half commute back to my dorm, I can get a little loopy. I ride with my nursing friend who also has her Capstone at Northwestern. One time on the train, we wrote a song. I had been talking to doctors a lot that day and this is the result.

To the tune of Do You Want to Build a Snowman?

Do you want to give a bolus?
My patient needs some fluids soon
His blood pressure is running low, he doesn't need to go
He's about to swoon!
It used to be an order, but now it's not
I wish you would tell me WHY!?!
Do you want to give a bolus?
We really need a bolus.
Ok bye

Can you order me a norco?
My patient's in a lot of pain!
He's been screaming for two hours now, I don't know how,
I'm going to stay sane!
It gets a little crazy, all these iso rooms
Gowning up every time
Gown, gloves, gown, gloves, gown, gloves, gown, gloves

Doctor,
Please, I know you're still here
Patient's been asking where you've been
I say have patience and he's trying to
He's waiting here for you, so come on in
We only have your number, for emergencies
What are we going to do?
Do you to give me a call back?
......*Click*.........

     So..... yeah. We had fun. My patients are fantastic. Most of them are in the hospital for a very long time, so I currently know over half of the floor from taking care of them in the last few weeks. I love that. I love that when they are walking around the unit I can ask them how they're doing and how their treatment is going. I love that when I walk into their room to help another nurse with something, the patient can greet me by name and be excited to see me. I love it.

I'm tired and I'm working tomorrow, so I'm going to go. Talk to me sometime and I'll tell you more.

So much love,
-C-

Back in the game

Within the last week, I have completed 72 hours of working at Northwestern. I worked Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday, Thursday. This includes an hour and a half commute each way. Let me tell you, it was exhausting. I stayed with my friend in Chicago the first two days, but then I started taking the CTA. This means that I get up at 5:00am and get back around 9:30pm.

I love my unit! My floor mostly works with patients who have leukemias (blood cancers) and who are receiving stem cell transplants. There are two other cancer floors in my building that work with solid tumors and palliative patients.  If patients are getting stem cell transplants, they are scheduled to come in and then stay for roughly a month without any complications. This means that the patients are there for a long time. This can be a good and a bad thing. Some other time, I'll go into more detail about the transplant process. It's fascinating. We have 33 beds on our unit, and the nurses are assigned 3-4 patients every day.

I've really enjoyed working with my nurse. For blogging purposes we'll call her Cinnabon ( I wanted to stick with the theme of yummy desserts from the summer but wanted to avoid Dilly bar or Turnover). She allows me to be as independent as possible while still feeling supported. I have been able to work with three patients that are "all my own". Hopefully, this week I'll be able to get a full patient load. Cinnabon is really good at explaining things to me, but also challenging me to figure things out on my own. When we work together, we are extremely efficient and sometimes end up finishing our tasks very early.

The first day I worked, I mostly just observed and learned. The second and third day, I worked alongside my nurse and did most of the work, but with her beside me. The next few days, I started to take my own patients. The tricky part about this is that I'm not allowed to give chemo or distribute blood products, and this is very common on my floor. This means that I still have to rely on Cinnabon for a bunch of things, but she's good about making me feel like I'm still doing something :)

Sometime, I'll tell you more about my patients, about my unit, about the chemo and transplant processes, and other such nonsense, but I'm not in a creative mood and straightforward facts are just boring. It's going well, and I'm enjoying it. This week, I'm working three days. I'll see you on the flip side.

Adios!

-C

I am my parent's daughter

Over the past year I have found that I find great enjoyment in tasks that a lot of people would find tremendously tedious (say that five times fast). Today, I was reminded of some past experiences that I've had that I'd like to share with you.

*Flashback to last summer*

It was while I was at Mayo Clinic. I was asked in January if I would stand up in a friend's wedding. Now it was mid-June and I was in semi-rural Minnesota, stranded without a car, and desperately wanting to go home. What were my options? 1. Have my parents come get me- not a great option for them. 2. Fly- pretty darn expensive. 3. Borrow a car- not likely since I had only known these people for about 3 weeks.
4. Figure out a better way.
So figure out a better way I did (that is terrible grammar, but adds dramatic effect). I scoured the internet for train routes, bus routes, taxi routes, underground tunnel routes, and personal helicopter routes. I am known for my frugalness, so price was a big factor as well as my time. I ended up finding a bus route that only had one transfer and got me to Chicago in about 8 hours. Sounds simple enough, but it was very difficult and tedious to find the best option. Later in the summer, I also figured out the best way to get to Cedar Rapids for another wedding. That time, the most efficient and cost-effective option was renting a car. It was pretty fun.

*Flash-forward to December 2013*

It was while I was on Christmas break. I was going on a road trip with four of my best friend to Washington D.C. It was basically up to me to plan the entire trip. I had to think about hotels, the car we were to use, the attractions and their prices, meals, maps, and money. I loved it. I had so much fun planning, and although not everything turned out as I had planned, it was a great learning experience.

*Flash-forward again to today*

Today I drove to Northwestern for my orientation. Let's just say that it was a little bit stressful. Could I handle it? Yeah! Could I do it again? Yeah! Could I get used to it? Maybe! However, it wasn't the most fun. So, I began researching. I had done some research before, but I felt like the options weren't that great. However, this time, I was successful! I believe I've found a route that is equally comparable to time I would spend in the car, a little cheaper, and reduces a lot of stress. Yay me!

My point to all this is that I enjoy working out those details. I find joy in finding the best bargain. This is a trait that I have received from my parents. Both of them are wonderful at finding the best deal, the best route, and the best ideas.
That's all. I'm pretty proud of myself. I'll let you know how I'm feeling after my first two back to back shifts next week!

Amor,
Carolina

Start of Something New

Hey y'all!

It's been awhile. Like, a long while. Since I last blogged, I have completed 3/4 of my senior year at Trinity. Overall, it has been a good year. The reason I am writing again is because next week I will start my Capstone experience. The purpose of capstone is to provide a role for nursing students to transition from student to nurse. In all honesty, it's very similar to what I experienced at Mayo, just with more actual responsibility. I have to work 180 hours in the next 7 weeks. I follow a preceptor (similar to my coaches at Mayo) and gradually take on a full patient load. I'll still have supervision, but I will be the nurse.

My capstone placement is at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in downtown Chicago. I had to interview for this position back in December. Funny story: while I was waiting to hear the results of the interview, they told us the wrong date that we would hear. I was home on Christmas break, and I was basically glued to my computer, updating it every five minutes or less, waiting for the email. Unfortunately, it didn't come until a week later :( However, i got the position, and I am very excited! I will be on an oncology/hematology unit. I have expressed interest in oncology before, so I am grateful for the opportunity to try it out before I start applying for jobs. I'm working 12 hour day shifts which was my preferred shift. Unfortunately, that means I'll be driving to downtown Chicago during rush hours. Bleh.

In my dream world, I would have this internship, get offered a job, graduate from college, pass the stinkin NCLEX, get an apartment, and start working all within the next four months. I'll update this lovely blog periodically to let you know if I'm surviving and tell you what I'm learning. We recently had a class about social networking related to nursing. Basically, I can't say anything about anything or I could lose my (nonexistent) license. I have to be so careful. I do believe however, that I can share how I am growing and learning throughout this process without sharing information about patients. So that's what I'm going to do.

Life is good, God is great, and nursing rocks. Wish me luck :)

Love to all,
Caroline

A Look Back and Final Thoughts

Disclaimer: As I plan for this to be my last post, it might get rather long-winded. Apologies in advance.

Let's start off by talking about the farewell dinner. On the Wednesday night before I left, there was a banquet for all of the Summer III's and their clinical coaches. It was pretty fancy, and the food was delish. There were some speeches given by Summer III's and the vice president of nursing. After that, they read my story from my last post! I totally didn't realize that they would read it for the dinner, but I was glad I got to share a good experience. Afterwards, my clinical coaches, the other girl on my floor, her clinical coaches, and another nurse met up for a little goodbye party. It's kind of strange to see nurses without their scrubs on. Here's a picture from that night.



Looking back, what did I learn this summer?

1.I learned confidence. So much of learning how to be a nurse is just being a nurse. This summer was a fantastic opportunity to experience real nursing. I feel so much more confident talking to patients, performing assessments, talking to doctors, and thinking through situations.

2.I learned how to prioritize and multitask. A big part of nursing is learning how to handle your day. You have multiple patients who might need things at the same time. I learned how to become more efficient and to get things done in an order that makes sense.

3. I learned about medications. This is by far my biggest weakness, but I have already gotten so much better at recognizing medications.

4. I learned about the heart. I think that I might have just a little too much enthusiasm about EKGs and the workings of the heart. So cool!

5. I learned about teamwork. It was fantastic to see a good model of the healthcare team. The doctors, PAs, NPs, nurses, therapists, social workers, and many others all have a role to play. I learned a lot about how that works and how to be a part of a team.

6. I learned a lot about my patients. I invested a lot of time into those people, and I grew to love them. I still think about them frequently. I know that there will be many days where I think, "I wonder where so-and-so is right now and how they're doing?"

7. I learned a lot of random things. There are things that I saw at Mayo that I highly doubt I'll see anywhere else. There's a reason people go there as a last resort. They know what they're doing.

8. I learned a lot about myself. I know that I love nursing. I love being at the bedside (I do not want to go into surgery). I am pretty good at educating patients. I don't like night shifts very much. Apparently, I like blogging.

Final thoughts. I laughed and I cried. I prayed with patients and I cleaned up poop. I removed IVs and I educated patients. I went to church and I rode the bus to work. I was complimented and I was criticized. I woke up at 5:30am and I stayed up til 8:00am. I had a 15 year old patient and I had a 93 year old patient. I cooked for myself and I fixed the dishwasher. I went from following my nurse around to taking the lead. I had days where I hardly sat down and I had days where I didn't have anything to do. I saw families full of hope and I saw families without any hope at all. I held hands with patients and I held pressure on their bleeding site. I felt powerless and I felt empowered.

I'd say that the themes of the summer were brokenness and healing. Some of the people I saw were broken and that made me feel broken too. Last week, I had a patient whose procedure failed. They weren't able to fix her problem and she was crying all afternoon. I had a few patients who had congenital issues that will never be cured. There was a lady who had two conflicting health problems that each prevented the other from being treated. I saw patients who preferred to be in the hospital because they received more love there than they did at home. I saw patients go home to get ready to die.

However, I also saw a lot of healing. I saw a woman that was nearly comatose who couldn't talk or move on her own. After a few days of treatment, she was able to sit up, eat her dinner, and talk to her family. I saw patients who had been living a low quality life who came in and left feeling so much better. I saw families coming together to support each other. While there were some things that made me feel broken, the healing overcame. I feel like I did make a difference. Don't tell anyone, but I would have worked the whole summer for free. The experience was invaluable.

Here are some nursing quotes that accurately portray how I feel about nursing. I had wanted to slip these into some previous posts, but I forgot.

"Our jobs as nurses is to cushion the sorrow and to celebrate the joy every day while we are just 'doing our jobs.' "    -Christine Belle

"You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you that you'll win no matter what." 
- Patch Adams

"They may forget your name, but they'll never forget how you made them feel." -Maya Angelou

"When you are a nurse, you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours." -Anonymous

So....What next? Oh, I just love that question. I'm not sure. This year, I'm going back to school and will continue to learn as much as I can. After that, I don't have any answers. I guess we'll just have to wait and see where God leads me and what opportunities are presented. It's gonna be pretty great. :)

Thank you all for reading. Thanks for letting me be weird, nerdy, and emotional. Maybe I'll start blogging again once I get a job. Who knows?
Love you all.
Peace out.

P.S. There are just some things that shouldn't go onto the public internet. However, there is a story that still makes me laugh every time I think about it. Next time you see me in person, ask me tell you. I'll know what you're talking about.

On the Last Page

Here I sit in a nearly empty and clean room. The bags are packed and only 23 hours stand between me heading out of Rochester. I'll have an ending post or two with some final thoughts, but right now I'm feeling sentimental so I'd like to make a few shout outs and thank you's.

Thank you the people who organized the program! It was excellently planned and executed. They made the transition to Rochester very easy.

Thanks to Crossroads College who let us stay in their townhomes. This made the experience so much easier without having to worry about finding an apartment.

Thank you to my nurse manager and nursing education specialist who allowed me to work on their floor and were supportive, encouraging, and helpful.

Shout out to my roommates! It still amazes me how 7 girls who are completely different and have never met each other can live together with very little conflict for 10 weeks. I'm excited to see where your nursing careers take you!

Shout out to Fr4C! It has been a privilege to work on such an amazing floor where everyone is so helpful and fun. I'm afraid that I'll be disappointed with other floors I work on because Fr4C is an amazing place to work.

To the other Summer III's! Thank you for all of the conversations, trading patient stories, and fun times. There are going to be some great nurses coming out of this bunch. Good luck senior year!

Thank you to the Recharge group from Autumn Ridge Church! You guys were so welcoming from the very beginning. I loved getting to know you and having some great discussions. I've had a really hard time finding a small group at school, so becoming connected so easily this summer was a blessing. I'll miss you!

To those who have kept reading this silly blog. Thanks for all of the encouraging words. It was a lot of fun :)

Finally, thank you to my clinical coaches, Frosty and McFlurry. You both made my summer an unforgettable experience. I loved learning from you. Thanks for answering all of my silly questions and letting me fumble my way through. I've gained so much confidence by working with you. I'll miss you!

One Story

All of the Summer III's were given the opportunity to write about an experience they had this summer. To be honest, I don't know where it's actually going, but I wanted to contribute. This is what I wrote.

   It was a quiet morning on Fr4C. My clinical coach and I had been very productive all morning. We were all caught up on orders, assessments, charting, and medications. We had just sat down to look up some notes on our patients and my coach had brought along an EKG book for me to browse because I had some questions about bundle branch blocks.

     As we were sitting at the nurse’s station, we noticed that the O2 levels on one of our patients had dropped a bit. My coach went into the room to make sure the monitor was on correctly. After a minute, I went in to make sure everything was ok. The patient’s oxygen levels were still dropping, and he wasn’t responding to us. We put oxygen on, got a blood pressure, tried to wake him up, and kept watching the monitor. As we were watching, his heart rate and O2 levels kept dropping rapidly. We called the doctors and then the Rapid Response Team. Nurses from our floor had noticed and had come in to help us out. Within one minute of calling the RRT, we had to call a Code because there was no pulse.

   What happened next will stick in my mind forever. Almost instantly, there were 20 people in the room. They each took a job and performed it expertly. Within seconds, they had started CPR, attached the AED, were administering breaths, had begun to intubate the patient, and were giving medications. Everyone was calm and collected. They were working as a single unit, as a team, to try and save this patient.

    During this time, I was able to sit with the wife of the patient. She was holding a pamphlet in her hands with some Bible verses on it. I asked her if she would like me to pray with her. She said yes, and as twenty people were attempting to save her husband’s life, I was able to pray with her. I then escorted her out to the waiting room where a chaplain met with her.   

     Going back to the room, I was able to watch the amazing teamwork and precision that the healthcare team had. In the end, they were able to reestablish the patient’s pulse. I was the one who was able to go tell the wife that her husband was still alive and was moving to the ICU. I don’t know a lot of what happened to him after that day, but the memory of that experience will be burned into my memory.

     It was the single most terrifying moment of my life, and yet it was one of the most powerful. The nurses from my floor who ran into the room saved a patient’s life that day. I was able to be with a family member during a very terrifying and vulnerable moment.  The respect and admiration that I had for the nursing profession grew exponentially after that day. I had a glimpse of what nursing really is- a collaboration of people with expert training who truly care about patients working together to improve lives. 

If I was limited to sharing one story that summarized my summer, this would be it.