Life unfolding

Life, now, was unfolding before me, constantly and visibly, like the flowers of summer that drop fanlike petals on eternal soil.”
―Roman Payne, Rooftop Soliloquy

*please read in a slightly flawed British accent*

   My good people, faithful readers, and kind strangers: Life is a continual feast. Indeed, there is so much good happening around me, I can hardly take it all in. This summer in particular has been a constant stream of special moments betwixt exciting events, and changes that are clearly God-sent. This afternoon, I came across a list of quotes about summer that allowed me to reflect on the summer and how it has been full of blessings. The one at the beginning of this post put me into a poetic mood- hence the accent.

    For nearly a fortnight, I have been working at my new job. On the first day on my floor I thought I would have the collywobbles, but instead I was calm and confident. Although I have been a nurse for nearly 10 months, there are so many small things to learn that I didn't attempt much on the first day. For example, how do you page the doctors? How to make an outside call? Where does one keep the IV tubing? What are the proper procedures to draw blood? Where shall I put my lunch?

   Today, I was on the floor again and with most of the rubbish out of the way, I was able to actually feel like a nurse. It was smashing. I felt like I had the time and resources to truly care for my patient in a way that I wasn't able to before. I'm hesitant to say that it will stay like this because I've only been on the floor for a couple of days, but I am very optimistic about this floor. Oncology patients and their families are truly special people. They require a special kind of compassion and care, but in return, a majority of them are truly thankful and appreciative of the work we do. Stories and more moments to come.

    In addition to starting a new job, my family moved into their beautiful new home. Earlier this year, we thought we were moving, but everything fell through. Also earlier this year, I had a different job interview for a position I thought I really wanted, but it didn't work out. As I look at this summer, I see God's hand at work. Those other houses didn't work out because this new house is incredible and where we are supposed to be. My other job opportunity didn't work out because I am fairly sure I was supposed to get my new position. I am gobsmacked by God's faithfulness. I heard once a quote that I am sure I will butcher, but it went something like, "If you knew what God's plan was for you, that's exactly what you would want too."
   
     As I look ahead at the upcoming months, there's still uncertainty with where I will live and grad school. However, I am so blown away by how God has provided, I only worry about it when I forget that He's there (I wish I could say I never worry about it, but that isn't true). I am learning more about trust- things might not always work out the way I would like them to, but I know that my God is Sovereign.

Here's a few other happenings from this summer: some already passed and some yet to come
-Wedding in Wisconsin
-Broadway in Chicago musical
-Trip to Michigan with BFF
-Bike rides on the beach
-Bubble soccer
-Taylor Swift Concert!!!!!!!
-Camping trip
-Fondue
-Start grad school
-Girl's getaway with mom and sis
-Birthdays
-Blueberry picking
-Beach days with friends
-All of the other everyday things that make life exciting

   At the end of each day, I am so knackered, I sleep like a babe. It's not the "I feel so groggy and gross and tired that I won't feel good for the next few days" kind of tired. It's the "I had such a good day that I left it all out there" kind of tired. It feels good.

Thanks for reading! Here's one more quote I found today.

“All in all, it was a never to be forgotten summer — one of those summers which come seldom into any life, but leave a rich heritage of beautiful memories in their going — one of those summers which, in a fortunate combination of delightful weather, delightful friends and delightful doing, come as near to perfection as anything can come in this world.”

Keep it movin'

Heya!

The girl writing this blog has slept during and through the night for the past 10 days, has eaten actual meals, and is feeling fantastic! This past week, I finished up my last job, helped move my family into a new house, enjoyed a beautiful holiday weekend complete with barbeques, frisbee golf, and biking, and started a new job. So far, there's no sign of slowing down.

This is a picture that I sneaked in during orientation today. We were getting fitted for respirators, so people came behind us and blew bitter gas into a little hole in the creepy cone of shame thing. If we tasted the gas, it meant the mask wasn't working and we needed a different kind. Felt like something you'd see go terribly wrong in a horror movie.

One of my last days at my old hospital, I had this very old patient. I'd walk in the room and ask if he needed anything. He'd look at me and shake his head. I'd ask him if he was in pain, and he'd nod. Once his meal tray came up, he put on the call light and I went in the room to help him. This is how the conversation went. "Come here. Sit me up. Bring that closer. Open that. Where's my salt? Put it in the soup. What's in there? Cover that back up. Give me my fork. Open the milk. Warm that up. That's all." 

Because I try to be a nice person, I treated him kindly and with respect and dignity. However, it wasn't like I was rejoicing when I walked into the room. Then, at the end of shift, I walked in to give report to the next nurse. I walked in, the patient smiled at me and said, "There she is! That's my girl!" I was kind of taken aback.... If I had built up rapport with the patient throughout the day, I would have teased him or said something sassy. For this guy however, I didn't really know what to say cause I sure didn't think that I was 'his girl'. But you know what? I'll take it. 

You guys, nurses have to have a twisted sense of humor. So much crazy happens that if we don't laugh about it, we will become depressed, cynical human beings. This story isn't really that funny, but this patient came in at 3:45 in the morning during one of my last night shifts. He had tons of what we'll call 'personality'. He was SO loud and SO blunt about his needs that my coworkers and I found ourselves laughing silently in the nurses station at nearly everything he said. The nurse asked him if he ever felt depressed and he announced "I feel happy ALL of the time". The nurse addressed him as Mr. ______ and he nearly shouted "You leave out the mister!" Then he made a crude joke. Then he started talking about the CT scan that he had received. He didn't know what it was called so he started trying to draw it in the air. As I'm writing this, I'm not laughing, but at the time, he could have passed as the winner of a stand up comedy show. My point is, give anyone who works midnights some slack. It's rough. 

Orientation so far has been good. A lot of it is all the basic things that the hospital requires you to talk about, so it's a lot of lecture. The rest of this week is more orientation and then I have my first day on the floor next Monday! 

More soon!

-C-

Updates

-I finished my last night shift  *insert hallelujah chorus*

-My last day at my current job is on Thursday

-My family is moving on Friday

-I start my new job on Monday

-I promise to write a nice long post with funny stories soon

A Rather Important Post

Oh boy. Life is an adventure. I've always thought I liked change unless it had to do with someone sitting at my spot at the kitchen table or how we decorate our Christmas tree. I think that change helps you grow and learn, and it stirs things up. Here are some somewhat significant changes happening in my life in the next few months.

1. I got a new job! 

2. I'm going to grad school in the fall!

3. My family is in the process of moving across town!

4. I'll probably move closer to home in the fall when my lease is up!

5. Everything is changing!

No big deal, huh?

Phew. So I got a job on an oncology unit at a hospital in Indiana. I applied there because I want to be closer to my family and friends. It's also a really good hospital. It's the hospital I want in the specialty I want. I'll be working 8 hour evening/ day shifts. The shifts aren't perfect, but I won't be on nights. I'll have to figure out how to manage my social life all over again, but I am really optimistic about it. I think I can actually have a routine.

Grad school. I'll be attending grad school in the fall to become a clinical nurse specialist. It's a master's degree and will help prepare me for any number of things. Being a floor nurse is hard, and I don't think I can do it forever. This degree is not a nurse practitioner. It is more focused on advanced practice. I can teach, I can be a resource for other nurses, I can specialize in a certain field, or possibly do research. It opens a lot of doors. I'll be in school part time for 2-3 years.

Life is crazy, but God is faithful. If you're the praying type, here's how you can pray for me.
1. Working out all the details. 2. Adjusting my life for working mainly evening shifts and trying to still see friends and family. 3. That all the change won't be overwhelming. 4. That God will be the center and focus in the midst of a whole lot of change.

Within the next couple of months, everything will be different. I'm really excited and hopeful, but slightly in shock. If you see me wandering around wondering which way is up, point me in the right direction. In the midst of change, here's what I know: God is faithful and He won't ever change. Thank goodness.

I almost typed 'that's all for now' but I assure you that this is plenty. I gave you a very juicy post. You're welcome.

Caroline.... I think.

A quick note

Hello y'all. I'm about to head off to my third shift in a row, so this will be quick. I was trying to think of a subject for this post and so I started scrolling through my blog. It didn't take very long. In my last post, I talked about walking into patient's rooms and finding one thing after another. A patient covered in poop, a patient covered in blood, and patient's cursing and yelling at me while confused. It wasn't a great night.

Here's the deal. Last night, I walked into three similar situations but with totally different responses. I walked into a patient's room and she had poop everywhere. I cleaned her up, and afterwards she said, "I'm so sorry, you are so patient. I can't imagine doing what you do and so thank you."

A while later, I walked into a patient's room who had scratched a scab and was on a blood thinner so he had blood all over the sheets. Later, he accidentally pulled out his IV.  I cleaned him up and got him situated. Later on, I got him a new IV. In the morning, he had me write down my name so he would remember his good nurses. He told me that I was a sweetie and he would miss me.

Another patient called me in the middle of the night very confused. She was very concerned about going home so she could get to her pediatrician's office and a list of other appointments that didn't make much sense. I explained to her that she was in the hospital and that it was the middle of the night. I assured her that we would take care of everything and she wouldn't miss her appointments. She thanked me for taking care of things and believed me when I said it would be ok.

When I read last week's post, I didn't even register right away that the two nights were very similar. I didn't even think about cleaning up messes of talking to confused people. Because of the response, it didn't feel like a chore or an annoyance or something that I couldn't handle. I did it with a smile on my face because the people I was serving were thankful. That was the only difference.

I can't emphasize it enough that how my patient's respond to me affects my day. When I remember that, I try extra hard to be kind to my waitress, to the cashier at the grocery store, to the telemarketer who I don't want to talk to, or to person I pass in the hall. People need people. No matter how small the encounter, I can be emotionally affected by any person I interact with through the day. And that means that I can make a tiny difference in people's lives by smiling as I walk down the hallway. I can be Jesus for people through every interaction. That's a huge responsibility and privilege.

That's all. Gotta go to work. Another day another dollar. Here we go :)

-C-

Flounder

Have you ever noticed that the newest trend is to title things with a single word?  Tangled. Frozen. Revenge. Divergent. Glee. Scandal. Reign. Suits. Inferno. Wild. Unbroken. I just thought I'd point that out and try to fit in with an vague and unspecific title that makes you wonder, "What is being frozen?" "Where are they diverging?" "Who is reigning?" "Why is she floundering?"

The picture below is me on Monday night from the hours of 1900-2330.




I walked into work early, saw my assigment, and realized that one of my patients might be going home soon. I asked the day nurse if I needed to look this patient up or not. She said no, she needed to change the wound dressings and then she'd leave.

I get report on my first patient. All good. Then I wait for this nurse cause she has the rest of my patients to give me. I offer to help with the discharge, but she said she had it under control. Fast forward half an hour. It's 1945 (7:45pm) I'm still waiting and haven't gotten report. I go into the room and try to help and this patient is all kinds of crazy and rude and making life ridiculously difficult. She's pulling old hot dogs out of drawers and making us undo stuff so she can do it the right/ slow way. Finally, we get someone else to help this patient pack up so we can give report. It's now 2020 and I've done nothing.

2020. Walk into patient room #1. Patient is actively bleeding from the rectum. Sitting in a pool of blood. Call the doctors and clean him up. Doctors don't want to do anything so the patient is upset.

2035. Patient #2. We walk in and the patient immediately starts yelling at me cause I didn't give him a bath. I explain that he had gotten a bath earlier that day and he'll get one in the morning. He's confused and angry and calls me a few choice names.

2040. Patient #3. Covered in poop. I won't describe it cause it's close to dinner time. We clean him up.

2050. Patient #4 is the patient I got report on over an hour ago. He' fine.

2050-2100. Finally go in to do assessments. Patient #3 oxygen levels are in the 70s and 80s and aren't going up with more oxygen. We get him a mask to help out, sit him up, call respiratory therapy, get breathing treatments, etc.

2120. I usually have my assessments done by 2000. I'm already over an hour late and have an open bed that could be assigned to me at any moment. I get my glucose level on patient #3 and it's critical. He can't eat anything cause he chokes on food so I run to go get him dextrose (sugar water) to go through his IV. I can't get the IV to work. I fiddle with it for what seemed like forever and finally got the darn thing to work. I give him the meds.

2129. I go into the bathroom for 30 seconds to be away from everyone and take 4 or 5 deep breaths.

2130. The open bed is assigned. I call my charge nurse and say to her, "I'm drowning right now and I don't think I can take this admission." Luckily, another nurse had an open bed and she was all caught up. She was able to take this admission for me. If not, I would have had a small mental breakdown.

For the next 2-3 hours, I was running (more like speed walking) around like a toddler on caffeine trying desperately to catch up. Eventually I reached a point where everything calmed down and I was able to breathe.

Lessons of the day: Nursing is never boring. It's ok to admit that there's something you can't handle. Take 30 seconds to take some deep breaths.  Find someone who will listen to you vent. Laugh about it later cause life goes on.

A message to my peers

Hello reader, this post is simply a word of encouragement to people who are roughly in the same stage of life as me.

  There are days where I feel like I rock at life. I look back on the past year and see how far I've come and how much I've accomplished. I look ahead at my future and see a lot of exciting possibilities. Other days, I feel like I am lost and have no clue what I'm doing. I question every decision I've ever made and end up binge-watching netflix cause I don't feel like doing anything else.
 
   Personally, I have been so blessed because there are many people in my life who support me and encourage me and pour into me on a daily basis. If you're one of those people, thank you.  However, I know that there are people who are in the same stage as me and don't have the same kind of support. I can't imagine how difficult that would be. So from someone who is in the same boat as you, here are some things that I've heard that have helped me.

-It's ok if you don't end up with your dream job in your dream apartment in your dream city right away. If you don't love it, you can use the discontent to help motivate you towards something that you do want.

-Don't question your life choices to the point where you reach a quarter-life crisis. Be proud of what you've accomplished.

-Figure out what actually matters to you. For me, I've found that my family and relationships with friends matter more to me than working in the best hospital. That's good to know now so I can invest in the things that really matter to me.

-There's not one right way to do dating/marriage. Starting a life together right out of college might make things really tough because there is so much to learn and figure out. But then you have your best friend with you to figure it out together. On the other hand, it's ok to be single. You have the opportunity to become whoever you want to be.

-A lot of things in your life just need some tweaking. I've been tempted to think that I've got everything wrong. That's not true. I just need to make some adjustments.

-Everyone else is in the same boat as you-- even the people who appear to have their lives all together on social media. It's a lot to figure out. 

-You can do this. "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8