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    As I'm sitting here, I have battled back and forth on what the mood for this post should be. Should I be funny? Should I be reflective and somber? Should I be factual and boring? I'm struggling with this cause here's the deal. I love what I am doing on my unit, and I personally am doing very well emotionally. However, when I talk to other people, I don't know how to talk about my experiences. On one hand some experiences are so so sad. There are patients who break my heart. On the other hand, I have felt so much joy when working with some patients. I am amazed and humbled by the strength of my patients. On the other hand, a lot of what I do wouldn't make for a very interesting blog. I'm running out of hands, so basically I don't know how to convey what I want to tell you. Basically, be prepared for some emotional whiplash.

     Here is a fact: cancer sucks, but God is still good.
 
     Another fact: because God is good, even cancer patients can have hope.

    One thought that I've been having this week is that as a nurse, I can get very used to things that are odd to other people. For example, I have to get a rectal (butt) swab from any patient who is admitted to our unit. For me, this isn't a big deal, but for some patients it is very intrusive and awkward. I am not allowed to give chemo, but already I can take it in stride. The patients who are receiving chemo for the first time are terrified. What I need to remember is that they aren't used to this. I can't forget that.

  When I get off of my twelve hour shifts and still have an hour and a half commute back to my dorm, I can get a little loopy. I ride with my nursing friend who also has her Capstone at Northwestern. One time on the train, we wrote a song. I had been talking to doctors a lot that day and this is the result.

To the tune of Do You Want to Build a Snowman?

Do you want to give a bolus?
My patient needs some fluids soon
His blood pressure is running low, he doesn't need to go
He's about to swoon!
It used to be an order, but now it's not
I wish you would tell me WHY!?!
Do you want to give a bolus?
We really need a bolus.
Ok bye

Can you order me a norco?
My patient's in a lot of pain!
He's been screaming for two hours now, I don't know how,
I'm going to stay sane!
It gets a little crazy, all these iso rooms
Gowning up every time
Gown, gloves, gown, gloves, gown, gloves, gown, gloves

Doctor,
Please, I know you're still here
Patient's been asking where you've been
I say have patience and he's trying to
He's waiting here for you, so come on in
We only have your number, for emergencies
What are we going to do?
Do you to give me a call back?
......*Click*.........

     So..... yeah. We had fun. My patients are fantastic. Most of them are in the hospital for a very long time, so I currently know over half of the floor from taking care of them in the last few weeks. I love that. I love that when they are walking around the unit I can ask them how they're doing and how their treatment is going. I love that when I walk into their room to help another nurse with something, the patient can greet me by name and be excited to see me. I love it.

I'm tired and I'm working tomorrow, so I'm going to go. Talk to me sometime and I'll tell you more.

So much love,
-C-