Hey peeps, here's the deal. For the past year, I have tried to post as close to weekly as possible. I know that when I go to blogs, I like it when there is something new. If you've noticed recently, I've been really bad at being consistent.
Here's my theory: 1. I am back home, and 85% of the people who read this blog are people that I now get to see and talk to on a regular basis. 2. A lot of what I write comes from an issue or a frustration, and right now I am at peace with nearly everything in my life- thus I don't need to write in order to vent. 3. Most of the big changes in my life have settled in.
I still love blogging and sharing stories. However, most of my patients these days are not crazy (for which I will be forever thankful), but the crazy stories aren't as good. I mean, how many stories about bodily fluids can I share before I lose all of my friends? Also, some of my stories are very sad, and I don't always want to share those moments. Finally, the stories that I would really like to share are all about people saying nice things to me, but that would not make me very popular.
All that being said, I am a people pleaser. But this is me giving myself permission to not be a consistent blogger. I will when I have something to say, but it will be more infrequent. Thanks for reading and sticking with me.
-C-
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Monday, October 12, 2015
Balance
In my short (or long depending on how you look at it) 23 years of life, I've come to the conclusion that my life and the world is all balanced. I've pictured it as a teeter-totter. Sometimes, it takes a while for the weight to distribute itself evenly, but it will eventually. Sometimes, things are pretty even for a while, and sometimes there is a lot of back and forth. Lately, I've seen a lot of back and forth, ups and downs and I'd like to share some of them. To be fair, I'm going to share some sad stories. Just a warning.
A patient beat cancer years ago, but didn't follow up and when they finally did a scan, they found the cancer everywhere. The patient decided to get chemo as a last resort, but it was too much on their body and the patient passed away only days after.
But... I got to hold a newborn baby for a good half hour the other day.
A patient comes into the hospital frequently because their condition is slowly deteriorating. When I take care of them, the patient is in agonizing pain, but we're pushing the limit on the pain medications that we can give. There is nothing else I can do except hold their hand and spend time with them.
But... A patient that I have taken care of on multiple occasions introduced me to a family member who I had heard about. The family member said, "So this must be Caroline- I've heard a lot about you." And the patient touched my arm and said, "Yeah.... This is my Caroline."
A patient has been in and out of the hospital for months because they keep experiencing complications. I walk into the room to find them crying because they haven't been able to go back to their home state for months and are missing their family.
But... A patient who had been in the hospital for nearly two months was finally well enough to go home.
One of my favorite patients with no history of cancer had a CT scan done that showed a new mass that was most likely cancer. I saw it and knew, but the doctor hadn't come to tell the patient yet.
But... I've hugged more patients and family members in the last month than I did in my entire time at my last hospital. Especially patient's mothers. I've hugged a lot of concerned moms who are willing to sacrifice their everything for their (adult) kid and need someone to tell them to take care of themselves too.
One day at work, I took care of four women under the age of fifty who were all very sick. Some of them had young kids, but none of them would ever be able to have completely normal lives. It was a tough day.
But.... I got to watch the supermoon lunar eclipse thing with a patient from his room. The moon would go behind a cloud and I'd get some work done, but if the moon came out, he'd put on the call light so that I could go and watch it with him for a few minutes.
A patient thought she could go home in time for a special event, but then experienced a serious complication that made us wonder if she would be able to leave the hospital. She was so disappointed, but handled the news with as much dignity as I could imagine.
But.... Her family and hospital staff worked hard to make the day as special as they could and include her. It was similar to something you'd see on facebook to make you cry. It was really special.
These all revolve around me and the balance that I can see and experience. When a patient is in pain, I take care of them for 8 hours and then go home. They don't get to just leave like I do. Sometimes, I feel a little insensitive because I can get in the car and move on with my life. However, if I don't balance out the sad things, I think I'll get dragged down. It's a tricky balance (see what I did there?).
But... I got to hold a newborn baby for a good half hour the other day.
A patient comes into the hospital frequently because their condition is slowly deteriorating. When I take care of them, the patient is in agonizing pain, but we're pushing the limit on the pain medications that we can give. There is nothing else I can do except hold their hand and spend time with them.
But... A patient that I have taken care of on multiple occasions introduced me to a family member who I had heard about. The family member said, "So this must be Caroline- I've heard a lot about you." And the patient touched my arm and said, "Yeah.... This is my Caroline."
A patient has been in and out of the hospital for months because they keep experiencing complications. I walk into the room to find them crying because they haven't been able to go back to their home state for months and are missing their family.
But... A patient who had been in the hospital for nearly two months was finally well enough to go home.
One of my favorite patients with no history of cancer had a CT scan done that showed a new mass that was most likely cancer. I saw it and knew, but the doctor hadn't come to tell the patient yet.
But... I've hugged more patients and family members in the last month than I did in my entire time at my last hospital. Especially patient's mothers. I've hugged a lot of concerned moms who are willing to sacrifice their everything for their (adult) kid and need someone to tell them to take care of themselves too.
One day at work, I took care of four women under the age of fifty who were all very sick. Some of them had young kids, but none of them would ever be able to have completely normal lives. It was a tough day.
But.... I got to watch the supermoon lunar eclipse thing with a patient from his room. The moon would go behind a cloud and I'd get some work done, but if the moon came out, he'd put on the call light so that I could go and watch it with him for a few minutes.
A patient thought she could go home in time for a special event, but then experienced a serious complication that made us wonder if she would be able to leave the hospital. She was so disappointed, but handled the news with as much dignity as I could imagine.
But.... Her family and hospital staff worked hard to make the day as special as they could and include her. It was similar to something you'd see on facebook to make you cry. It was really special.
These all revolve around me and the balance that I can see and experience. When a patient is in pain, I take care of them for 8 hours and then go home. They don't get to just leave like I do. Sometimes, I feel a little insensitive because I can get in the car and move on with my life. However, if I don't balance out the sad things, I think I'll get dragged down. It's a tricky balance (see what I did there?).
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
My apologies
Hey y'all,
I think that this has been the longest break between posts since I started as a nurse over a year ago. So very sorry. I am not even close to being out of things to talk about, but life keeps moving and prioritizing can push blogging back for a while.
Updates:
Life is good! Like.....really good. My job is really incredible. I am off orientation/training and am on my own again. I can't deny that I appreciate someone being there to have my back, but I am ready and excited. I am loving it. Because I work on an oncology floor, there are patients who come back again and again for chemo treatments or with complications or to manage their pain. I can look on the unit census list everyday and recognize some names from patients I had a week ago or a couple of months ago. The other day, a patient's mom stopped me in the hall and gave me a big hug. When I have a few minutes, I usually go and visit the patients that I know. It's like visiting old friends and I've only been there 3 months. A nurse/patient relationship is a real, deep, and amazing concept. I get to know these people when they are at their lowest points and develop trust and love nearly immediately. When I see them, it's like seeing a friend after a long time, and I can see how they are doing and either be encouraged or saddened by their progress. When they see me, I always hope that they feel safe and loved no matter what. It's great. And heartbreaking. But this is what I wanted from my job. I wanted the relationships. Believe me, I still have to use critical thinking skills and know how to perform a lot of tasks, but for me it has always been about the relationships.
Grad school is really, really busy. If I solely concentrated on work and school, I'd be fine. However, I am a little overly ambitious and want to maintain my social life. Thus, I am very busy. I'm really enjoying my theory class (which is surprising if you know me well) and have learned a lot. I actually like the work I'm doing, I just don't like doing it on their timetable.
I collect hobbies. I get bored and pick up something new. Yesterday, I decided I would learn how to code on the computer. There are free websites and so far, I've designed a website although I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. We'll see if this hobby lasts. And I'm still trying to learn bass.
I am officially moved out of my apartment and back with my parents. During this time, I will be saving money, paying off loans, and spending time with the people I love the most. It's great to come home from work and be excited to see who is there. It also makes working the evening shift easier cause I can see people every day even though I'm gone most evenings. Plus, if I'm saving money, maybe the next step for me is buying a house. Who knows?
Lately, I've been going through a book called "The Green Letters" with a friend. It's a book about spiritual principles, and it's been really good for me. One thing that I learned this last week was that God is working from and to eternity. He isn't working on my timetable. My spiritual growth will take place over the course of my life, and He is still working even when I don't 'feel' it. All I can do it seek after God in my daily life and let Him do the rest. This was really good for me to read because sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough and I get stuck. This chapter helped me realize that my spiritual growth isn't up to me and that's alright.
Ok. I promise I'll blog again soon.
See ya!
-C-
I think that this has been the longest break between posts since I started as a nurse over a year ago. So very sorry. I am not even close to being out of things to talk about, but life keeps moving and prioritizing can push blogging back for a while.
Updates:
Life is good! Like.....really good. My job is really incredible. I am off orientation/training and am on my own again. I can't deny that I appreciate someone being there to have my back, but I am ready and excited. I am loving it. Because I work on an oncology floor, there are patients who come back again and again for chemo treatments or with complications or to manage their pain. I can look on the unit census list everyday and recognize some names from patients I had a week ago or a couple of months ago. The other day, a patient's mom stopped me in the hall and gave me a big hug. When I have a few minutes, I usually go and visit the patients that I know. It's like visiting old friends and I've only been there 3 months. A nurse/patient relationship is a real, deep, and amazing concept. I get to know these people when they are at their lowest points and develop trust and love nearly immediately. When I see them, it's like seeing a friend after a long time, and I can see how they are doing and either be encouraged or saddened by their progress. When they see me, I always hope that they feel safe and loved no matter what. It's great. And heartbreaking. But this is what I wanted from my job. I wanted the relationships. Believe me, I still have to use critical thinking skills and know how to perform a lot of tasks, but for me it has always been about the relationships.
Grad school is really, really busy. If I solely concentrated on work and school, I'd be fine. However, I am a little overly ambitious and want to maintain my social life. Thus, I am very busy. I'm really enjoying my theory class (which is surprising if you know me well) and have learned a lot. I actually like the work I'm doing, I just don't like doing it on their timetable.
I collect hobbies. I get bored and pick up something new. Yesterday, I decided I would learn how to code on the computer. There are free websites and so far, I've designed a website although I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. We'll see if this hobby lasts. And I'm still trying to learn bass.
I am officially moved out of my apartment and back with my parents. During this time, I will be saving money, paying off loans, and spending time with the people I love the most. It's great to come home from work and be excited to see who is there. It also makes working the evening shift easier cause I can see people every day even though I'm gone most evenings. Plus, if I'm saving money, maybe the next step for me is buying a house. Who knows?
Lately, I've been going through a book called "The Green Letters" with a friend. It's a book about spiritual principles, and it's been really good for me. One thing that I learned this last week was that God is working from and to eternity. He isn't working on my timetable. My spiritual growth will take place over the course of my life, and He is still working even when I don't 'feel' it. All I can do it seek after God in my daily life and let Him do the rest. This was really good for me to read because sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough and I get stuck. This chapter helped me realize that my spiritual growth isn't up to me and that's alright.
Ok. I promise I'll blog again soon.
See ya!
-C-
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