Bad Blood, Miss Colorado, 10,000

Hello Friends, Family, and Faithful readers!

Unless all of you unanimously decide to stop reading my blog, after this post, I will have just over 10,000 views on this blog. Quite honestly, that's not a lot considering I've posted pretty frequently, but it seems like a significant number so I've decided to celebrate with this ridiculous post. 

I am an oncology nurse, and one day I realized that my favorite singer- Miss Taylor Swift - wrote a song you might have heard of called Bad Blood (complete with an awesome music video). I happen to work with people who have bad blood. Literally. I love my job, and I love working with cancer patients. Cancer is a terrifying diagnosis, and I get to be there for people in a scary time. So I decided to change the lyrics of this song to fit my kind of bad blood or leukemia (blood cancer). Then I recorded myself.

Here are about 10,000 disclaimers:

I wrote this and then realized that without the music, you can't appreciate the brilliance of my lyrics. I am a little proud of it so I felt the need to put the words to music. Unfortunately, Taylor herself will probably not sing these particular words, so it's up to me.

I am showing all of you how much I love and trust you because I am recording my own singing. I do not have a good voice. At all. But I will not apologize for the pathetic, weak, and thready voice with those horrible highish notes because I am totally going out of my comfort zone here and that totally makes up for the pain it might cause you. Yes I am embarrassing myself. 

I attached the lyrics because 1. You might not understand me and 2. I'm going for a 10,000 character (letters and punctuation) count for this post. I messed up in this video but recording and listening to myself over and over again was too painful so you can deal with the mistakes. 

This is in no way scientific. You should not base your treatment on this song. Not every leukemia is curable. I am not trying to give anyone false hope or false information. This is me feebly trying to come up with words that kind of rhyme. THIS SONG IS NOT FACT. THIS IS GOOFY.

We're getting rid of the bad blood

We call it leukemia

There's lots of work to be done

We're getting rid of the bad blood (hey!)

Now we're fixing the problems

I believe we can solve them

It's gonna be tough but

We''re getting rid of the bad blood (hey!)

With this diagnosis

Some cells in your blood are called malignant

They are growing too fast

The healthy cells aren't going to last

Some signs of cancer might be 

You feel weak maybe you start to bleed

You feel like you're in so deep

All at once it can be overwhelming

Oh I'm so glad we found it in time

Both you and I

(Chorus)

If you catch it in time

Stem cell transplants can save your life

Chemo will kill the bad cells

But you might not feel very well

Medications will help you get through

When all of it catches up to you

You might want to give up hope

But treatments' come a long way, so Don't!

Oh, I'm so glad we live in modern times

You and I

(Chorus)

But band-aids don't fix bullet holes

I'm so sorry, I hope you know

We've got your back, you're not alone

But band-aids don't fix bullet holes

I'm so sorry, I hope you know

We've got your back, you're not alone

And with love like that

Cancer, WATCH YOUR BACK!

Tada!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Still going for the 10,000 character count)

Yup. Now you all have blackmail for the rest of my life. You're welcome.  

Anywhoo...... On to the next topic. I don't know what any of you have heard about Miss Colorado in the Miss America pageant or anything that followed. I am friends with a disproportionate amount of nurses on social media, so for me it has been EVERYWHERE, but it's possible that you missed it. Here's a quick update. 

In the talent portion of the Miss America pageant, Miss Colorado walked up to the stage wearing scrubs and a stethoscope. She gave a short monologue about being a nurse and a story of one of her patients that changed her life. It was short and sweet, but very good. All of my nursey friends were talking (in person and online) about how cool it was that she presented nursing as her talent. They admired and appreciated her.

Soon after, a TV show was talking about the pageant and made some derogatory remarks about nursing. I'm not going to go into details because that's not my point. In response, nurses got all fired up and defensive about our incredible profession. The main point is that the TV hostess didn't understand what nursing is all about.  It's the hot topic of conversation amongst nurses- who can come up with the best comeback or meme. 

(Just counted and 10,000 characters is a lot. I apologize for this long post.)

Here's my point. I think that a lot of people really don't have any clue what nurses do. For most of my life, I viewed nurses as the people in a doctor's office who took my height and weight and told me to wait for the doctor. That wasn't what I wanted to do... Even in nursing school while I was in the hospitals, I thought that all we did was pass medications and hope that people needed new IVs or dressings changed so we could practice our skills. That's not it at all. I think that instead of being angry and aggressive, we should try to educate people and help them understand. 

I realize that I am still a new nurse, and I can't speak for all nurses, hospitals, or situations. However, it is possible that I can still help teach you. So, in one disjointed paragraph, here's what I think nursing is: 

Nursing is taking in megawatts of information and picking out what's important. Developing a trusting relationship in the 20 minutes you have before you need to see the person in the next room. Looking at the big picture but still paying attention to the details. Performing accurate, thorough, informative assessments. Coordinating 6 doctors, social work, case managers, respiratory, physical therapy, xray techs, and your own work to make a reasonable plan- then doing that for multiple patients. Looking at a patient's medication list and being able to know the person's history. Knowing when to use your heart and when to use your head. Teaching at every opportunity. Continuously learning new machines, new policies, new research, and new team members and being able to use them effectively. Putting your own stress aside so you can hold someone's hand for 10 minutes. Prioritizing when it might seem like everything is a priority. Making quick decisions with wisdom and confidence. Taking more phone calls than is reasonable. Caring for family and patients as they deal with some of life's toughest moments. Learning to transition from crying to smiling in the time it takes to walk across the hall. 

So yeah. Be a nurse :)

I'm still a ways from reaching 10,000 characters. 

And I'm exhausted.

I need to waste some space.  

I'm going to type Oncology Nurse with my elbows.

OLOCDOKLIOFYJNuierse

Now with my feet.

Ojnc jnmoiklgy NMuerasdrfe

Now with my chin

ionjcikkolokgyh njhuhtrdfdsdrrte

(That's really hard to do without looking at the keyboard)

And I'm still not to 10,000. Well. A picture is word a thousand words, so that video can count for the rest of them. There you go. 

In this post I have given you my most embarrassing moment, 10,000ish characters, a rant, and so much love. 

Til next time. 

-C-

A delayed thank you

   The other day, there was a brand new nurse who was orienting on my unit. It was her very first day. I was doing a procedure and asked her if she would like to come and watch me so she could get some experience. I had done it quite a few times, so I explained it to her.
    A while later, I was cleaning up some of my old junk out of my apartment, and I came across all of my old care maps and papers I did in nursing school. There was quite a pile. It represented a lot of agonizing, lack of sleep, hand cramps, and sweat.
   This made me think back to nursing school, and I would like to reflect a little bit on people who helped me out when I was brand new and scared out of my mind. There are a few specific examples that represent a much broader spectrum of people who gave me their time, compassion, and knowledge. Here's to you.

Thank you to the nursing assistant who took me to the side when a horribly mean patient made me cry in nursing school. She told me that it wasn't me, and that I was going to be a good nurse.

Thank you to the professor who marked me down on my papers because she knew that I was capable of more. She challenged me to think critically and try harder.

Thank you to my preceptors at Mayo and Northwestern who spent so much of their time teaching me when I was brand new, had no confidence, and had a million questions. Thanks for bringing extra books for me to read and showing me how to look things up so that I could continue learning.

Thank you to the doctors who would quiz me on my shadowing days and would try to teach me everything they knew in a couple of hours.

Thank you to the professors who wouldn't let me give up if I didn't get it right the first time. You helped me build my confidence and believe in myself.

Thank you mom for patiently listening to me cry or vent when I was stressed, sad, or got a bad test result back.

Thank you to all the nurses who would pull me into a room to show me a procedure or a strange wound or an interesting disease.

Thank you to all of the nurses who I graduated with for going through nursing school with me. We are all much more comfortable with each other than is normal.

Thank you to all the hospitals and patients that allowed a bunch of scaredy cat nursing students work with actual people. Thanks for entrusting us with your lives.

Thank you to my roommates, family, and friends who let me listen to your lungs and test out your reflexes. Thanks for listening to my gross stories and for getting excited for me.

Thanks for reading this blog :)

Love you all. See ya 'round.

-C-

Aspirations

   So originally I had another idea for this post, but I'm still working on it. Last night, I was bemoaning the fact that I didn't have any prepared blog ideas, but I've got one for you today. :)

  Today I didn't work on the floor. During training/orientation, they (don't ask me who 'they' are) have every nurse follow around different people to get a glimpse of other departments that mostly relate to where you're working. At my last job, I went to the cath lab and the pacemaker nurse and EKG techs etc.... For my new job I get a few different experiences as well (radiation oncology, outpatient oncology, wound care, etc.) Today, I was really inspired by the nurse that I worked with. I'm inspired and influenced by a lot of people, but I don't always feel the need to share it. Today was an exception.

   I followed this guy all around the hospital for about 5 hours. He greeted nearly every person by name- from the transporter to the nurses to the secretaries to the doctors to the CNAs. Each time he introduced me to someone, he would lift the person up. He would tell me that this person was a great worker and give me an example. Or that they've been friends for years and tell me a funny story. Not only that, but the guy I knew less than a day would talk me up as well. He'd introduce me and say something nice like, "she's working with me today and is really bright" (whether or not that's true is up in the air, but I sure liked hearing it)
    This kindness didn't just extend to the hospital staff. Each time he walked into a patient's room, he'd compliment the patient right off the bat. He'd start a conversation and include me in a very kind way. We needed to work with a patient who was giving the nurses a lot of problems. He waltzed right in that room and charmed the patient so much that he hardly noticed me working on him. Didn't give me one problem.
   Throughout the day, he was encouraging to me and pointed out some of my strengths that he noticed. He had a lot of knowledge about his job and taught me an incredible amount in 5 hours.

   In general, I think that I'm a pretty friendly person. There are good days and bad days, but for the most part I smile and try to make small talk. Compared to this guy, I am cold. I'm not posting this to degrade myself by the way- just to make an impression on you.
  Anywho... I learned a few things from this. One. I am now aspiring to be more like this nurse. Two. Can you imagine how incredible the world would be if every person was lifted up every time they were introduced or greeted? I want to speak about people in such a way that they feel better about themselves when they walk away. In my humble opinion, I think some of that is a choice, and part of it is a mindset. If I work on viewing people the way God views them, it will be a lot easier to see their strengths and not their shortcomings.

    I think I learned a lot more than what was intended :)
    That's all. I have a plan for next week's blog, but I actually have to work on it. Hang in there.

-C-

Waterlilies

"Close your eyes and define.....integrity"

"Draw a picture of what nursing is. No words allowed"

"Nursing is like waterlilies. You have to dig into the mud to find out what makes the beauty grow"

Umm.....

In other words, welcome to grad school!

In all actuality, it was really good. Realistically, I have determined that I am naive and very optimistic to think I can handle grad school while having a full time position. It would be very manageable except for the fact that I still like doing other things not related to nursing at all. However, I still believe that I'll be able to get into the swing of things and develop a schedule that allows me to maintain the important things (Family, friends, food, fitness, fsleep).

Anywhoo..... I'm taking a pathophysiology class that includes an 1800 page, 10 pound textbook that we will read from cover to cover in 15 weeks. It is not light reading either. Luckily, that class works like a normal nursing class. A syllabus with assignments and due dates and memorization. Bring it on.

My other class is nursing theory. The quotes from the beginning of this post were from my theory professor. I actually found it rather fascinating, but this class is nothing like a regular nursing class. Our end of the semester project is our concept of nursing in an art form. She said we could include quilts, sculptures, dance, song, or any other art we could think of that didn't include words. All of the nurses in the room were staring at her like deer in the headlights. We are nurses. For a reason.
BUT. I think that the professor is actually extremely smart, and I'll learn a lot from her class. I might roll my eyes a couple of times, but I am excited.

That's all for now.
See ya on the flip side.

-C-  

Because we care

I love games. One of my new favorites is called 'rap battle' (I'm not really sure if that's the proper term, but it's the only name I know) In this game, you have two teams lined up across from each other. The two people at the front of each line are the rappers. Everybody agrees on a word (we'll use cat as our example) and then the game starts. The rappers take turns making up a short rap that rhymes with the chosen word but leaves the last word blank. (I wear it on my head and it's called a ______) Your team has to shout out the correct word. Then everybody chants "doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap" (This gives the opponent a little time to think) Then the opponent has to come up with another rhyme (In baseball I hit and swing my _____). This goes back and forth until one person messes up. Then the rappers go to the back of the line and two new people pick a new word. It causes a lot of anxiety, but it really fun.

I told you all that because I decided just now that I'm going to have a single-person rap battle with myself about nursing. I have yet to come up with any rhymes, so it's possible that I'll delete this entire post, but since I typed out how to play that game, I feel like I'm committed now. I'm the rapper and you're all on my team. Some of these might get creative, so please give me some slack.

Here we go. Ready? Also.... some rhymes might be a little more on the borderline inappropriate side. But hey, it's nursing.

The first word is CARE.

A doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
I transport a patient in a wheel______

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
When a person gets chemo they can lose their _____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
Don't have special socks? I'll get you a ____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
Before you go to surgery, we'll say a _____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
Sometimes snooty doctors make me want to _____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
I'm donating blood cause I've got lots to _____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
Color coded scrubs are what the nurses _____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
We'll do anything for you, because we _____

Ok. Time to change words. Themed rhymes are very difficult.

The word is PAIN

A doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
I'm going to stick this needle into your _____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
If you twisted your ankle, you might have a _____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
If you eat a lot, you'll have weight ____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
You are crazy. There's something wrong in your _____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
You can use a walker, or a _____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
Sometimes nurses think they'll be driven ____ (two syllables)

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
If you poop on my scrubs, I'll have to wash out the _____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
If you want to quit smoking, you'll have to _____ (this is a tricky one)

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
I know you're in pain, cause I can hear you ____ (two syllables)

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
If you'll pull out your IV, we'll use mittens to _____ (two syllables)

Ok. That was getting too hard for you. Obviously. I could have kept going.....

Last one. The word is MAN

A doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
If you're really hot, I'll get you a _____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
If you bumped your head, we'll send you for a CT ____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
If you need a wheelchair, you'll drive a bigger _____ (sorry, bad clue)

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
From your birth to your death is called your life_____

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
Don't want surgery? Got a better ____?

doo rap rap rap a doo rap rap!
Gotta go? Can't move? Here's a _____ ( two syllables)

That's all folks. Hope that kept you mildly entertained. You know what would be fun? Is if you commented and left your answers. I could offer a buck or something to whoever gets them all right. Ha. Sure. I'll give you a buck.

-C-

Moments: Episode 5

Another Moments post! The posts where I get the most comments/compliments so I assume you like them but I always have a really hard time writing because telling stories is very difficult in the written format which is why I became a nurse and not an author but I have so many stories to tell you and I don't get to see you all in person to tell them so I guess I have to write these posts even though I get nervous because something that was really hilarious or meaningful in real life might not come across through text and then you won't find it funny and won't read my blog anymore and I do get some satisfaction from seeing how many people read my blog and yes I meant this to be a run-on sentence because the grammar was too hard to figure out and if I was talking to you in person this would have all been said in one gigantic breath. Phew. Let's get down to business.

-After I took care of a patient 3 shifts in a row, I would go and see him during my shift even though he wasn't my patient. I would spend 10ish minutes in his room talking to him. After a few visits, as I would leave my patient would casually say, "Love you". This is still occurring every day I work.

-I had a fifteen minute conversation with a patient about Star Trek: our favorite series, characters, the remakes, etc. As I left the room, he held up the Vulcan salute (see below) and told me to Live Long and Prosper.
 

-Explaining a procedure to a patient's family member who had been giving the staff a hard time about it. It turns out, he was just confused about the purpose of the procedure. I had the time to print out some education and pictures. Afterwards, he wanted to procedure to be done and we were able to give the patient the best care available.

- Walking in on a patient crying and running in all concerned about her. Turns out, she was crying because she was so grateful for her husband who was beside her through all of her cancer ordeal. She proceeded to tell me her precious and lengthy love story.

-Learning something new every day- whether it's a skill I haven't done before, a new medication, a new type of cancer treatment, or how something works at the hospital.

-I was assigned to a patient for three days in a row. Each time I walked in, I put on my sweet, caring, cheerful face. In response, I received more harrumphs and grunts and hmmphs than I ever have in my life. By the end, I realized that the perkier I was, the grumpier he was. I wasn't going to stoop to his level, so I decided to be the perkiest little nurse he would ever deal with. I sure showed him!

-I started taking care of a patient who was bedbound, needing strong pain medication every two hours, and unable to eat anything. I worked with her each day for four days, and by the end, she was making 10 laps around the unit, eating a regular diet, and spreading her pain meds out more and more each time. She was able to leave in time to make it to her daughter's birthday party because of the progress she made in those four days.

-I am telling you now that I clean up 90% less poop than I did at my last job. However, I will never escape it completely. I walked into a room and there was a copious amount of  poop on the bed, on the patient, on the siderails, on the patient's hand, on the bedside table, and everywhere else he could reach. He looked at us and said, "I think I pooped a little."

-Greeting family members by name as they visit their loved ones day after day.

-A patient ended up staying much longer than originally anticipated. This patient had a G-tube (where they feed you through a tube directly into your stomach) because he couldn't eat the normal way. I told him that we should throw him a party to celebrate when he would be able to go home. I told him we could bring balloons/ pin the tail on the donkey/ other party activities that didn't require eating. He then remarked, "I'm pretty sure if you were to pour booze down my tube, it would have the same effect."

That's all I can think of at the moment. Thanks for reading!

-C-

A takeaway

Happy Monday!

    For people who work on weekends, Mondays aren't necessarily bad. Today was a great day off. A solid start to the week.

    One thing that I have taken away from the last month at my new job is kind of a dichotomy. I have realized what great experience I've already had as a nurse. BUT, I have also realized that there are so many things that I have left to learn.

During classroom orientation, I was with a bunch of new grads starting their first job. Their comments were similar to mine a year ago, "This is the longest day ever..." "Don't they know we were just in nursing school?" Etc... After a year of being a new nurse, I am more humble now than I was then. I am very aware of my own limitations. I was very grateful to have experienced nurses talk to us about things that are tricky or tough to deal with. I realize that I will always be learning and one year of experience doesn't do the trick.

On the flip side, there are things that I dealt with at my previous job that have given me an edge. For one thing, I have knowledge about EKGs and cardiac related things that the other nurses on my unit might not have dealt with for a long time. Also, my previous unit had a crazy variety of patients. I dealt with patient situations that were critical or unique. I feel like I can find a way to deal with whatever comes my way because that's how I operated for the last 10 months.

I guess that my main point is whether you're a new grad or have been a nurse for 35 years, you have something to offer. Now in my attempt to be philosophical, I am going to venture out and say that this can apply to other areas of life. You can learn something from anyone. (I just laughed at myself for typing that. I've become a cheese-ball.) In 1 Timothy, it talks about not letting anyone look down on you because you're young. I always liked that verse as a young person, and as I become an old(er) person, I hope I will still like that verse. Now that I've bored you with your philosophy lesson for the day, I'm going to make some dinner, put on my pj's way too early, read a good book, and hit the hay early tonight.

Thanks for making it this far. Unless you're a skimmer. That doesn't count. Go back and read it. You could learn something ;)

Love,
C